Silliness and Stuff

The lighter side of this hobby, these posts and pages are meant to give you a chuckle, a giggle and a laugh.

Necromunda Name Generators – Escher & Goliath

Posted by johnnya10 on 15/11/2017
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff. Tagged: . 3 Comments

necromunda underhive logo

Because you love them, because I have nothing better to do with my free time, and because we’re all just so darned excited for Necromunda: Underhive to be released in the very near future, I’ve put together a few name generators here for you to enjoy. The dingiest depths of the 41st Millennium are full of characters and personalities, and if you’re struggling to come up with appropriate names for yours, hopefully this post will be of some service to you.

First up, we have the Escher Gang Name Generator. I wanted the words here to evoke ideas around not only femininity, but also poisons and chemicals – the stock and trade of the Escher clan. As with many name generators on this blog that have come before it, you take the first letter of your first name, and the first letter of your surname, and this will give you a gang name for your band of femme fatales.

escher gang name generators

So, in this instance, as my initials are JA, I get The Jealous Aces, which ain’t half bad. If your initials are SD, you’d get The Stiletto Dames which I happen to think is a seriously cool name invoking an idea of Film Noir assassins played by the likes of Lauren Bacall or Katherine Hepburn. Nice. What did you get? Stick it in the comments below and let me know what you thought of it.

Next up, is the Goliath Gang Name Generator. I want this to bring to mind ideas of extreme masculinity, and also the forges and foundries where this bunch of meatheads hammer away. You get how to do this by now, so give this one a go:

goliath gang name generator

In this instance, I get The Jagged Aggressors, but if your initials are HS, you’d get the Hotwire Skulls. Personally, I want someone with the initials UW to use this, because I miss tassels and face-paint. Also, it would kind of fit with the whole hulking(sic) steroid user thing. Moving on…

Now, that’s usually all that you get from me with these things, right? Well, this time, I decided to spend a lot of my free time (trying to save money and stay out of the pubs a bit with Christmas coming up) working on something a bit more in depth. As mentioned, this is a game full of characters and personalities, and having defined names to attach to every member of your gang makes it all the more personal. So, I’ve been a bit ambitious. I’ve created Gang Member Name Generators for both House Escher and House Goliath. Here you go…

House Escher Gang Member Name Generator

House Escher Gang Member Name Generator

There are no hard and fast rules as to how you use these. It’s done on a D66 basis, and you can use it as you see fit. I’ve kind of been using the following formula: Gangers get a name combo from the Name 1 columns, Champions get a ‘Name 1’ and a ‘Name 2’, and Champions get something from each of the 3 Names. When I rolled my D66 for the Goliath Gang, it meant I got the following:

Ganger 1: Slamgorn

Ganger 2: Joltnak

Ganger 3: Drillsnag

Ganger 4 : Skardrag

Ganger 5: Fragcred

Ganger 6: Harksmelt

Ganger 7: Skorcon

Champion 1: Lankstab Goreshrieker

Champion 2: Tragras Bloodchomper

Gang Leader: Drakloss “The Imperator” Toothcrusher

I’m interested to see how well this one works to be honest. I’ve never tried these sorts of name generators before, but like I said, you can use them how you want. Just have names made from column 1 and column 4, or just use the nicknames, or Name 2 and nicknames combined… it’s up to you and I hope you get a bit of fun out of it however you use it. Or just enjoy five minutes wasting time when you should be working.

Tell me what you think in the comments below. Get any good names? Get any bad ones? I should have something painted to show you soon too, so stay tuned for that. But with all of that done, I shall just wish you happy painting, and happy naming. Onwards!

goliath ganger

Friday Fun – Ork Name Generator

Posted by johnnya10 on 20/10/2017
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff. Tagged: , . 3 Comments

I figured, as I’ve been banging on about the Desk Project that I’m doing at the moment rather a lot recently, I’d do something fun and silly for this Friday. So, to give you a couple of minutes of hopefully Orkish giggles at the end of a long week, I give you the Ork name generator. Now, long ago, I did the Ork clan name generator and it was a lot of fun. But I wanted to test myself (and particularly my Orkish vocabulary) by making a generator that can help you come up with the name of an Ork character, boss or boy. So here you go:

ork name generator

As you can probably tell, it works pretty simply. Your first initial and second initial make up your Ork’s forename, and the first letter of your street name and mother’s maiden name will give you the Ork’s surname. Well, I don’t think it’s really a surname – more of an dis-honorific. A nickname… whatever it is, this is how it works. So my name would be Jabarm Squigtroopa. If your name was Rob Stevens and you lived on Jones St, and your mother’s maiden name was Howard, your Ork name would be Redshag Jawhacka. Get it?

Well, you know the drill. Have a go, leave a comment below and tell me what you think of it. Did you like what you got, can you think of improvements, or do you now wish you were called something else? Either way, I hope it gives you a brief moment of Orky goodness after a hard week – you’ve earned your teef, and a good weekend to be sure.

40k orks rogue trader

And one final word about the desks project; I’ve started to build the page! It’s coming along great and we’ve had more submissions than I was expecting. Provided I can get everything organised by next week, it should be going up then, so keep an eye on the blog for that update. Onwards!

Bits And Bobs – Random Hobby Thoughts In July ’17

Posted by johnnya10 on 06/07/2017
Posted in: My Painting and Modelling, Silliness and Stuff, Thoughts and Comment, Uncategorized. Tagged: . 2 Comments
Every now and again, as my regular readers can attest to, I like to put up a post that isn’t really about one thing. It’s about lots of things that maybe don’t deserve their own posts. The little bits and bobs of hobby-related ideas and activities that are worth voicing (well, I think they are and it’s my blog, so there) but not stretching out to a full post. So, here goes…
WoundWangs
Bits And Bobs - Random Hobby Thoughts
Heard of a WoundWang before? Well, now you have. These little bits of pointy plastic are the genius brainchild of Mönk Stevens and they are incredibly useful for tracking wounds in 40k now that there are some beasties out there with dozens of wounds on them. They come in a wide range of different sizes to cater for models with just a few wounds, to the really big stuff as well. The project is now backed on Kickstarter (and I count myself among the backers) but seeing as it’s such a darn good idea, it’s worth spreading the word a bit more. And if nothing else, you can giggle at the name. Wang. Lol.
Back the Woundwang project on Kickstarter today!
WIPs
I have found a little more time to paint recently and my Blood Bowl team, Da Mighty Redz, are progressing, though slowly. I’ve added three more linemen since the last time I posted, and I’ve also done their turn/score icons as well.
orc blood bowl team wip
I’ve also got a crazy plan for their cheat tokens, but more on that later.
And hot on the heels of last week’s Primaris Lieutenant, I’ve decided to get my grossness on again and I’m having a crack at the big bell bloke from the Dark Imperium box (I’ll learn his name later). He’s in his very early stages right now, but you can get an idea of what I’m working towards here:
nurgle marine wip
Some classic Nurgle green, and plenty of tainted metallics as well. Yuk, but yay. A few more bits to base layer and wash before highlighting happens, but I’m hoping to get a chance to work on it this weekend.
Orks & Primaris 
orcs and space marines
This is just a shower thought I had about how the appearance of Primaris Marines must have affected the greenskins. We know that Orks associate a great deal of importance with size. The bigger the Ork, the more authority he has. Snotlings are at the bottom of the food chain, then grots, then boys and then Nobs. Well, for all these millennia, presumably the Orks have considered the Space Marines to be the Nobs, and the Guardsmen the grots, right? So how did they react when they saw the new Primaris Marines? Surely these new humies must be the real Nobs! They’re so much bigger! Which of course to orks means that there’s more humie to kill, which is all well and good, but they still must have had a shock when they realised that what they thought were humie nobs were just boys and that the nobs have only just now arrived. Just one of those random thoughts that pops into your head when you spend too much time hunched over your paints and minis. Has anyone else thought this, or had a similar sort of thought recently?
Codices Are Coming
And what a schedule to look forward to. For those indignant that the Space Marines get the first book, you need to hush up a little. A) Often times the first book is the weakest (Baby, I know the first book is the weakest / But when it comes to rolling lucky I’m cursed / When it comes to learning rules I’m the worst… *cough* sorry about that. Anyway…) and B) Of course they were going to get the first book! They’re the poster boys and they just got a load of new fancy units. It would be weird if they didn’t go first.
8th edition codex
But by the end of the year (and that’s not that long) they’re talking about having 10 books out, which is darn good. While the index books have been fine for getting us all familiar with the new rules, they lack personality, they’re a bit bloated and cumbersome, and obviously, they don’t include the fluff or miniature galleries either. This will be a busy and very interesting schedule and I’m sure I’ll cover it in more depth as the books get released – I will definitely be getting a copy of the Space Marines book though, so I’m looking forward to that.
And that’s sort of that. Not too much specific, but plenty going on. I hope your own hobby efforts are going well. Onwards!

Chaos Space Marine Warband Name Generators

Posted by johnnya10 on 20/06/2017
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff, Uncategorized. Tagged: . 4 Comments
chaos space marine
Well, if I learned one thing last week, it was that you lot like name generators. It’s been a rather warm week where i am now, and so there’s not a great deal appealing about sitting in my baking hot flat watching my paints dry out as I water down the acrylics with my own sweat. Yes, it’s that hot here. But even hotter than that, was the blog post that I put out last week that contained a couple of new name generators for the armies in your Warhammer 8th Edition box set.
Almost a thousand visitors came to Heresy & Heroes on one day which was incredible. And lots of good comments both here, on social media sites and via emails too. And so, because a couple of people asked and because I wanted to do it, I’m giving you three more name generators! Because I did a Nurgle one last time, followers of the other dark Gods were a little miffed that they had been left out, and I shall now rectify this…
Also: Check out the links at the bottom of the page to the automated random name generators that have been uploaded to Ritual Miniatures. You can have plenty of fun refreshing those.
Tzeentch Chaos Space Marine Warband Name Generator
For all you Thousand Sons players out there whose miniatures no longer follow Ahriman and Magnus from within the XV legion, I bring new way of coming up with a new warband name…
thousand sons tzeentch name generator
I got The Jackels Of The Ruinous Alter – quite fitting for a band of Half-Dead Space Egyptians. What did you get? And are you happy with it?
Slaanesh Chaos Space Marine Warband Name Generator
Ah, my favourites. This name generator is all about pleasing She Who Thirsts, and pandering to The Prince of Pain and Pleasure itself, Slaanesh. Plenty of warped takes on conventionally unwarped things should come from this one…
emperors children slaanesh name generator
I’m more than happy with The Juggernauts Of Arrogance (I know ‘juggernaut’ is a bit Khorney, but even that is a little subversive which fits fine with Slaanesh) but did you get something even better?
Khorne Chaos Space Marine Warband Name Generator
And then there’s Khorne. I was tempted to make every entry here a variation on either ‘blood’ or ‘skull’ but in the end I tried to be different. A little bit, anyway. ‘Skulls’ is still an option. But every warband that already exists that I could find was something like ‘The Blood Slaughter’ or ‘The Slaughtering Skulls’ or something like that. So, hopefully this will give you something a bit different…
khorne warband name generator
In this instance, my army would be called The Jagged Axe which is perfectly Khorney. What did you think about this one?
Anyway, that’ll be it for these for a little while probably (unless a lot of requests come in). Next up will be more on my painting efforts and a bit more on the 8th Edition changes – played my first game of it yesterday and have a lot of positive things to say about it. A couple of downers too, but it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. Onwards!
=][=
And for those of you who want to try something a little different and far more usefully put together, the eminently talented Dan over at Ritual Miniatures has put together some fancy automated versions as well. Check out the Tzeentch, Slaanesh and Khorne random warband name generators now!

Warhammer 40,000 8th Edition: New War Band/Chapter Name Generators

Posted by johnnya10 on 14/06/2017
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff. Tagged: . 12 Comments
oprah primaris marines
As a bit of fun, and because we’re just a couple of days away from the release of Warhammer 40,000 8th Edition, I have put together two new name generators to help you do just that – generate some names. As well as the Primaris Marine Chapter Name Generator, there’s a Death Guard War Band Name Generator too – how’s that for a slice of fried adamantium?!
primaris marine
Let’s start off with the “Good” guys; The Primaris Marines. Now of course, you can add these hulking, super-sized killing machines to any existing chapter, from Blood Angels to Space Wolves, from Nova Marines to Howling Griffins, but if you’re one of the people thinking about collecting a brand new chapter, made purely of Primaris Marines, you can do that too. And that’s where this name generator comes in. As with before in the classic marine variant, you take your initials to get your chapter name. Here’s it is:
primaris marine chapter name generator
Now, I’ll come clean, there are some repetitions in there from the original because some of the more high-scoring-in-scrabble letters just don’t have that many useful words. You shouldn’t get something completely the same, but if you do, try using your middle initial, or the name of a loved one instead. As my initials are JRA, I would be the ‘Jade Avengers’ but if I wanted to change things up a little, I could always switch to ‘Jade Redeemers’ or ‘Revenant Avengers’. What did you get? And how do you like it?
blanche_nurgle_-_Google_Search
And now for the really fun one; the Nurgle Name Generator. If you’re starting a new Nurgle marine force and you don’t want to go with the Death Guard or any of the other existing War Bands that venerate the generous Grandfather, here’s a war band name generator for you:
nurgle death guard war band name generator
Sorry to all the Dave Greens in this world – you’re stuck with it. It was so much fun coming up with this one. All those lovely, plague-ridden words. Everything should sound gribbly, rotten, horrible and gross. In this iteration, I would be building the ‘Jagged Afflicters’ War Band, but if I wasn’t too happy with that (I am – I may well work on those soon!), then I could go with The ‘Jagged Rot’ or even ‘Rusting Afflicters’. How about you? Have you found something suitably gross and disgusting?
I hope you had fun with those – I certainly enjoyed making them. And it definitely helped me stave off the ravenous hunger I have to get hold of the 8th Box set. Speaking of which, I’m likely picking it up on Sunday, but will do a review for it here next week. Onwards!
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Update: The very clever and talented Dan at Ritual Miniatures has created a far prettier and slightly more randomised version of these Name Generators over at his site. Check out his name generator now!

Painting Miniatures: Enjoy The Little Things

Posted by johnnya10 on 15/03/2017
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff, Uncategorized. 3 Comments

In an effort to resurrect my energy for all things hobby-related, I’ve decided to spend a little time thinking about the little pleasures that we can all enjoy.

My passion for all things 40k hasn’t dwindled in the slightest. I’ve been devouring the Gathering Storm books with great enthusiasm, and I still keep up to date with all the gossip and rumours (I have a couple of those myself that I may be in a position to share later), but it’s actually doing the painting and modelling that I’ve been neglecting. The will just hasn’t been with me, though I’m starting to do a little more – one hopes said will is indeed returning.
bob ross good day
One of the things that I’ve been using to gently encourage myself back to my work bench is to think of all the little pleasures that come from painting. And, doing so has been very enjoyable, so I thought I’d share those things with you here. If you think I’ve missed anything out, stick a comment down below. Here’s what makes me quietly smile when painting.
The Great Desk Clean
We’re all guilty of letting our desks get a little messy from time to time. And on rare occasions, a painting area can end up looking like a miniature version of the Somme with plastic sprues sticking out of it. Mine has recently been doing a very good impression of that mass of plastic that’s floating in the Pacific ocean and killing all of the fish. There was no space to store anything, no space to move and barely any space to paint. So, I had a bit of a cleanup. You can see the results here:
cleaning the desk
And now it looks like an inviting new realm where anything is possible. This is a good desk, and I shall prosper here. And in fact, I’ve even had a little bit of a paint since this has been done. It was very pleasant. Oh, I dare say it will clutter up again soon, but for the moment, I shall enjoy the neatness and tranquility.
The New Brush
a new paint brush
There’s so much promise in a new brush. So many possibilities. Within that brush is the potential to paint masterpieces. Combined with my fingers, entire armies could rise from those bristles. Aside from being excellent brushes, one of the reasons I like using the Series 7 brushes from Windsor & Newton is because the opening of a new brush is made even more of an event. Sliding it out of its tube, taking off the guard, dipping it in my water pot for the very first time… it’s an occasion to be enjoyed. It’s like the painter’s equivalent of peeling the protective plastic off of a television or phone screen. Never again will it be in this pristine, perfect condition. Enjoy that moment, people.
Being Ambitious, And Getting It Right
Even though many of us develop a style we like and use often, pretty much all of us like to learn something new. Of course there are plenty of guides and tips videos to help us, but when you’ve been painting for a while, you begin to be able to work things out in your head. You start going off on your own a bit. This can either be something big or small. As an example, a long time ago, when I painted my Hrud gunslinger for my INQ28 retinue, I got to try a couple of things that came from my mind. From the colouration of his lips going in to fur, to the dirt on his coat and shoes, much of what went into that model was new to me. In fact, nearly everyone in that retinue features a technique, combination, conversion or idea that I’d never tried before. I’m not saying they were invented by me – there’s nothing new under the Sol – but they were new to me and I didn’t watch any tutorials. It was my crazy brainchild, and, I think, it worked. I’ve gotten better since I worked on these guys, but I still look on them with pride.
Ordo Xenos Inquisition Retinue

Ordo Xenos Inquisition Retinue

Putting The Brush Down
Whether you’re working on a single miniature, a squad, a tank, a titan, or a whole army, there’s that moment where you finally put the brush down and say to yourself ‘I’ve finished’. There is then, invariably, the moment when you notice some detail you forgot to do and so you have to pick your brush up and fix that, but then when you put the brush down again you can say ‘I’ve finished’ again and the feeling is a good one. It’s a great one actually. That feeling of completion is wonderful. You’re allowed to look smug at that moment.
obama-smug

Former President Barack Obama Admiring His Freshly Painted Ultramarines Army.

But one thing that I also make sure that I take time to enjoy, is the moment when you put your brush down at any point in the project. If you’ve found a spare evening to get a couple of hours in, or a lazy Sunday afternoon, when you put your brush down after these times, you should feel just as happy. You’ve progressed. You’ve got a little closer to the end. And you had fun doing it.
So with all of this in mind, I shall be heading back to my painting desk with a little more enthusiasm and I shall be making sure that I spend a little more time appreciating the little joys that painting can bring. I hope you find the time to do the same. As ever, dear readers; onwards.

BA WIP & More

Posted by johnnya10 on 27/02/2017
Posted in: My Painting and Modelling, Silliness and Stuff, Uncategorized. Tagged: . 2 Comments

This is one of those annoying ‘something and nothing’ sort of blog posts that all bloggers are forced to do from time to time. When we don’t have anything amazing to show off or anything interesting to really talk about. It’s frustrating, but it is what it is. So let’s get this show on the road.

First up, in an effort to prove that I’ve actually been doing something, here’s a quick snap of the next unit that I’m working on:

wip ba vets

Unfortunately, this paltry offering is the most that I’ve been able to drum up in the last two weeks. Four torsos, four pairs of legs and a bunch of other guys waiting for similar treatment who will one day be my Veteran Tactical Squad. While I’m happy with how these chaps are turning out, I’m not particularly overwhelmed with my progress. In fact, I’m barely even whelmed.

Things have come up, I’ve been busy, and in truth, my love for Mephiston Red has cooled ever so slightly in recent weeks. I need a break from it all so that I can come at it again fresh and full of beans, because at the moment, I ain’t got no beans, man. But that’s not my only problem though…

messy hobby desk

Now, that is a messy desk. But more than that, it’s full. Like, you can’t fit anything else on there. So I need to sort out either a display cabinet or some sort of chest/trunk to store my grey tide. However, given that I have work, a holiday coming up, and a billion other things to do, I can’t find the time to sort either of those things out. Give me a couple of weeks, and I’ll hopefully have something sorted out because the above is unacceptable, and in no way conducive to a productive hobby.

But in better news, I’m still finding time to be creative. I’m attending life drawing every week which is good – I hadn’t done any in a couple of years so it’s good to get the sketch book and pens out again. This is the sort of stuff that I’ve been knocking out of those sessions:

John Ashton Life Drawing

Of course this activity takes up an evening each week where I could be painting, but I’m enjoying it greatly. Furthermore, just being creative in any way is good for one’s hobby efforts. And soon, my love for Blood Angels will return and I can finally finish with Phase 1 of my Heresy era army. Then I’ll put the Mephiston Red away for a little while and work on something else.

So there you have it – a classic something and nothing post. Hopefully I’ll have something a little more exciting to share with you in March. I hope your own projects are going a little quicker than mine. Onwards!

Warhammer 41K – How The Xenos Move Forward

Posted by johnnya10 on 09/07/2016
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff, Thoughts and Comment, Uncategorized. 2 Comments

There’s been quite a bit of chatter around recently regarding the 40K setting moving forward, beyond the ‘2 minutes to midnight’ of Abaddon’s 13th Black Crusade (999.M41). The chatter has mainly been about Chaos and the Imperium, with both Primarchs and Daemon Primarchs returning to the 41st 42nd Millennium (that’d take some getting used to). It’s an interesting take and I’m both a fan and not of fan of the idea – but that’s an argument for another post should this happen. But because the talk has been almost exclusively about Space Marines and their twisted cousins from the Warp, I’ve just been having a bit of fun thinking about what could happen with some of the Xenos races if their fluff is to move forward too. And to that end, here is a JUST FOR FUN (so don’t get all butt-hurt and beardy) idea of what life could be like for our alien friends/foes in the 42nd Millennium and beyond… (oh yeah, there’s quite a few ‘…’s as well – enjoy!)

The Eldar

Eldar_Craftworld_at_war

As the light of the Eldar dwindles further, as the craftworlds are swallowed up by the Great Devourer and Slaanesh’s forces alike, the cult of Ynnead becomes a major force in Eldritch politics. Even within the webway, among the followers of Cegorach, and the twisted denizens of Commorragh, the notion has some who are willing to pay it heed. While Aspect Warriors and Guardians continue to make war as they always did, new warbands of Eldar cultists take to the battlefields at their sides. The newcomers are determined to die a glorious death so that they may become one with the God of the Dead and soon, a new Avatar is seen. The Avatar of Ynnead stalks its enemies as black flames wreath its body, and its enormous warscythe hues its foes in half by their hundreds. The Eldar are dying, but what will be brought forth by their death…

The Tau

warhammer-40000-tau-empire-fire-warriors-denewer_s-art-543848_jpeg_800×580_pixels

With the Imperium’s fight being ever more desperate, beset on all sides as it is, the Tau have been left largely unchecked – their expansion seen only as a minor issue in the wake of other threats. But without any serious Imperial resistance, the Tau’s growth becomes even more rapid and their ambitions ever greater too. Several Imperial Forge Worlds fall to the Tau and with those victories, the young race gain their first ships capable of warp travel. Furthermore, their first regiments of Human soldiers wielding Tau-tech are sent into battle against their kin, seduced by the Greater Good and having been left defenceless by Terra. There are even rumours of a human with the powers of an ethereal…

The Necrons

Necrons_DC_cover

As the slow awakening of the ancient race continued, Imotekh the Stormlord realised that the Necron risked being overwhelmed as their adversaries grew ever stronger while the soulless machines of the tomb worlds slumbered. Reluctantly, he called on the gifts of Trazyn The Infinite who presented the Stormlord with a gift – a rare staff said to contain the last shreds of Szarekh’s soul. Imotekh travelled to a world of endless dessert, home to small stranded colony of quarrelsome Orks who were quickly dispatched. Buried beneath the sands, was the shrine of an Ancient Necrontyr sooth-sayer who had seen the galaxy to come 60 million years before. Imotekh plunged the staff into the heart of the alter and a psionic burst rippled out across the stars. Within hours, every tomb world began to stir, and the vast army of the Necron, billions strong, came back to life…

The Tyranids

Tyranids

What had come before was merely a prelude. The great devourer in the darkness roared and leapt with all its force into the new galaxy. This was no mere hive fleet. The Great Hive Tide Charybdis, the soul of the lingering menace of the void brought with it countless numbers of beasts as had never been seen before. Giant creatures that dwarfed even Imperator Titans lumbered across worlds that were devoured in mere hours. Monstrous synapse brains hovered over cities controlling hordes of xenos nightmares the likes of which had never been witnessed. The Hive Tide envelopes all before it, and shows no sign of slowing as it rages across the star systems of the galaxy, heading straight for Terra…

The Orks

1319685250709

Dis boy turn up wun day an’ oo knows where from. But he get big. All dat time Ghaza was fightin’ de humies, dis boy gettin’ bigga. So den wun day, he turns out to be bigga dan even Ghaza is. Sum rekon he even bigga dan de Beast was. An he even got da brain of a brain boy too. So he becomes da boss an’ he call up da clans. He call up da Goffs, an’ he call up da Deffskulls an’ da Sunz an’ da Moonz an all of ‘em. He take us all out to da edge of da galaxy so we can get a run up an’ den we WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! An’ humies an’ fish-faces an’ bugs an’ dem metal gitz an’ all da rest of dem now gettin’ stomped good. Propa Orky time. An’ da Weird boyz sayin’ dey neva felt Gork an’ Mork talk to dem dat clear before. Dey even says dey ‘ear a noo God dey call Kork! Old God oo hates ev’rywun an’ loves fightin’ more. We musta smashed up a fousand worlds and we ain’t stoppin’ coz da big boss says we can’t. An we call ‘im Da Mega Monsta, coz dat’s what ee is! WAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

And there you have it. Who knows what the progression of 40K will bring, but it’s certainly fun to think about. What do you imagine happening? What are you waiting to see? Onwards!

Games Workshop Licensing – The Opportunities Are Everywhere!

Posted by johnnya10 on 22/06/2016
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff, Thoughts and Comment, Uncategorized. 4 Comments
games workshop las vegas licensing fair

photo courtesy of spikeybits.com

Much has been made of Games Workshop appearing at the Las Vegas Licensing Fair this week. They’ve got a fairly sizeable booth there as they look for more people to take advantage of the rich and varied universes that they’ve created, from the Grimdark® of the 41st Millennium to the fantastical settings of WFB and AoS. As many readers of this blog will know, I do enjoy doing a bit of wishlisting from time to time. And today, I carry on that tradition by listing what I wish would happen to some of the GW products. Ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime (and there is certainly a healthy mixture of both here) I have plenty of ideas that will hopefully prompt several ‘hmmm’s, a few ‘ooooh’s and even the occasional ‘what the hell are you talking about’.

Were I ruler of the world, this is what I’d demand…

Horus Heresy Netflix Series

horus heresy netflix

Now, some will want films, but I think, given the amount of story, and the amount of characters, and the amount of thrilling moments and cliffhangers, each book getting 8 one hour episodes sounds way more fun to me. Start off with the Horus trilogy, then do Fulgrim, Flight of the Eisenstein, Prospero Burns… one a year would be amazing and it’s not so outlandish an idea now. With the success of Game of Thrones, TV companies won’t have too many qualms about trying a bit more Sci Fi and Fantasy now. What’s more, companies like Netflix and Amazon are throwing money at these sorts of series now. Why not? Even if we just got the opening Horus trilogy from it, that would be spaghetti and Amazeballs.

40k Vinyl Pop Figures

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I’ve never really understood the popularity of these things, but obviously a lot of people do. And given some of the truly obscure films, comics, games and television programs that have their characters cast as bizarre, static little collectable dolls, there’s no reason why 40k can’t have them. Not only will the Vinyl Pop hardcore pick them up (because they have to have every one of them from what I hear), but plenty of 40k fans would shell out for them too. Imagine having a cute little space marine doll and a cute little ork doll on your shelves… well, some people might like that.

Sigmarite Saturday Morning Cartoon Show

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Now, I grew up in the true golden age of Saturday morning cartoons (when they were really just extended toy adverts). He-Man, Thundercats, M.A.S.K., Jace and the Wheeled Warriors, Visionaries, Dinoriders, Lone Star… it was a pretty awesome time and I had toys from nearly all of those series and plenty of others too. I think ‘Sigmarites: Warriors of the Realms’ would go down a treat with the kids. Then when they grow up, they can start buying all the minis and that, ladies and gents, is how you ‘hook ‘em young’ as the saying goes. And I’m sure they can handle all the gore. Kids love that stuff.

Replica 40k Weapons and Accessories

working replica chainsword

I’m not a huge fan of replica weapons myself, but I know a lot of people are. A cursory Google search will uncover Lord of the Rings replica swords going for around £250. Heck, you can get lightsabers for that and they’re mostly just a long tube! How much would people pay for a chainsword or bolter? And I have to admit, I may be willing to pop my replica weapons cherry if it means I can get my hands on Space Marine power axe.

Astra Militarum vs Tyranids Film

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Ok, here’s the plot. A tyranid spore mine hits a major city on a hive world in the Imperium. The Imperial sector fleet moves to engage the hive fleet and we follow the lives of three or four young troopers who head in different paths -one is an Imperial navy pilot, a couple go into the Imperial Guard and one goes into the Inquisition and eventually becomes an Ordo Xenos Inquisitor… oh, you recognise this film? Yeah. So do I. So do I. The rumour always was that Starship Troopers was originally meant to be set in the 41st Millennium and whether that’s true or not, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see this film. Bring my popcorn!

Mordheim TV Series

mordheim tv series

Again, if people love things like Game of Thrones and Peaky Blinders, why not smoosh them together with a healthy dose of the Old World and create a dark, gory, bloody and claustrophobic TV series full of warring gangs, undead, daemons and man-sized rats? I’d watch that!

Space Marine Cereal

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Now we’ve all seen the Khorne Flakes image above, and that’s certainly one way to go. Any GW themed cereal would be better than many of the more boring breakfast options out there. Fruit Lootas, Fleet-os, Causes Fear-ios… the potential is there! And I’d bet those sneaky guys over at Privateer Press are already working on WeetaCryx.

Sisters of Battle-Themed Fashion Line

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I have no idea who this is. If you know, tell me so I can give her some credit for an awesome costume. And my phone number.

What? I’m not a pervert! You’re a pervert! …ok, I am a little bit of a pervert.

The Very Hungry Genestealer Children’s Book

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This sound ridiculous, but you can already get a The Very Hungry Cthulupillar book, so why not? As a jokey sort of Christmas gift that wargamers could give each other, I think it would work. And there’s nothing wrong with using this to teach your own little brood to consume everything around them so that they can one day become big, strong Tyranid Warriors (yes, I know that’s not how it actually works, but then finishing your brocolli never made anyone big and strong either).

Reikland Reavers NFL Team

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Well, if London does get its own NFL team (and it has been angling to do so for a while now), why not make them the Reavers? Proud in their blue and white. They can even add a bit of red with all that blood. All we need to do next is convince the government to allow scientists to create Morg n Thorg in a lab and the Superbowl trophy will be in the UK within 5 years. Oh, and I’m sure we can get the league to add some spikes to the ball, right?

 

Ok, so a few of those were pretty silly and what we’re really likely to get from GW’s turn on the Las Vegas strip is probably a few more computer games (and some $10 dollar bills stuffed into Jervis Johnson’s waistband), but you never know. The chaps in Nottingham have built up a strong IP over the years and there’s no reason why others can’t use it to push the 41st Millennium and other settings in a few new directions. Here’s hoping those new directions do a bit for enriching the hobby too.
What licensing and merchandising would you like to see from GW? Anything I missed? 

Top 10 Unique Pieces of Wargear in 40k

Posted by johnnya10 on 22/04/2016
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff, Thoughts and Comment, Uncategorized. Tagged: . 3 Comments

wargear

There are many awesome pieces of wargear in the 41st Millennium, with every species having access to something cool. From Thunder Hammers to Iron Halos, from Big Shootas to D Scythes, there are so many options out there for our armies that our chalice really does runneth over. And then among all of those sweet bits of gear, there are some unique pieces that really give the game its flavour. I’ve picked out 10 of those unique pieces of wargear that I consider to be my favourites. It should be noted that this isn’t about rules –  it’s about fluff. If these things had the rules they deserve, games would be a lot shorter (and though one player would be having a lot more fun, the other probably wouldn’t). Anyway, enough of all that; let’s dive into the list. In descending order, the 10 coolest pieces of wargear are…

10. Trazyn The Infinite’s Empathic Obliterator

Empathic Obliterator

When the ‘Archaeovist of the Solemnace Galleries’ (as this pretentious robot likes to call himself) hits you with his big stick, you know about it. Well, you know about it for a split second before a psionic shockwave rips your body to pieces from the inside out, killing any of your buddies who were dumb enough to be stood next to you. This staff is rumoured to contain some sort of horrific primordial energy that was used by the Old Ones themselves, and only an expert collector like Trazyn could get his hands on that sort of thing. It would be a pretty cool way to go, but you wouldn’t be around long to appreciate it.

9. Jain Zar’s Jainas Mor

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Howling Banshees are pretty terrifying in their own right. Swords whirling, masks screaming as they rush towards you at terrifying speeds, but their big chief is even scarier. Jain Zar, the Phoenix Lord of the Howling Banshees not only has a terrifying mask and a weapon known as the ‘Blade of Destruction’, but she also has… a boomerang. Yes, the grimdark’s own homage to the classic Australian curvy stick (well, if you stuck three of them together). The Jainas Mor (that’s ‘Silent Death’ for those of you who don’t speak Space Elf) flies through the air, its blades wreathed in black fire, before decapitating everyone and then returning to Jain Zar. Good on ya’ mate.

8. Commander Farsight’s Dawn Blade 

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So, the most famed member of one of the newest space-faring species in the galaxy is wielding one of said galaxy’s oldest weapons. That’s already pretty cool, but this blade is actually making Farsight live longer (not that he knows that). According to the books, the Dawn Blade has ‘chronophagic alloys’ (obviously *snort*) which take the life force of any individual it kills and bestows that life force to the user. Farsight didn’t know this when he picked it up for the first time to kill a Bloodthirster, but I’m sure he wouldn’t give it up now, if only because it’s so darn useful. It’s powers have helped him live longer than any fishface before him, and it’s pretty much the only sword in the ranks of the Tau. Also, it’s so old, no-one knows where it really comes from. Intriguing…

7. Gabriel Seth’s Blood Reaver 

blood reaver

Chainswords in general are among the most common weapons in the grimdark, but Blood Reaver is a bit special. For a start, it’s an eviscerator (or two-handed chainsword) which immediately elevates against most other chainswords, but this one is even more special. Because it kills everything. And because it belongs to Seth who, despite being a bit of a moderate of the chapter, is a Flesh Tearer. The angriest of the Blood Angels successors, and named after the often-censured, rage-filled Captain Amit, these guys cleave through armies like a lawnmower going through dry grass, and Blood Reaver is always at the front of the action. And it looks really cool. So there.

6. Lucius The Eternal’s Armour Of Shrieking Souls

armour of shrieking souls

Let’s just start with that name. The Armour of Shrieking Souls. How cool is that!? But names alone don’t get a piece of wargear into this list. So, what’s so cool about the Armour of Shrieking Souls? Not much. Just that it’s a sign of Slaanesh making Lucius immortal! When a swordsman beats Lucius (which is pretty rare) Lucius is reincarnated in that warrior’s body, and the face of that warrior ends up howling and grimacing forever as part of the Armour of Shrieking Souls. Not only that, but those howls can be focussed into a freakin’ doom siren – the best of the sonic weapons. How’s that for a slice of fried terror.

5. Maugan Ra’s Maugetar

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The Phoenix Lord of the Dark Reapers has one hell of a fancy gun/farming implement to play with, and though there are similar weapons to Maugan Ra’s ‘Harvester’ (I’m looking at you Death Jesters), none of them are quite as cool as this bad boy. Even the Eldar aren’t quite sure where this shuriken weapon comes from, with many believing it was forged by the Gods or… something else. It can slaughter foes at range with its unusually large discs, or it can be used as a warschythe which, when operated by someone with the stats of a Phoenix Lord, makes it ferociously deadly in close combat too. From its psychoactive grip to its spirit stones, this is the weapon the Grim Reaper himself would buy, though I doubt Maugan Ra would sell it.

4. Garran Crowe’s Blade of Antwyr

Garran Crowe’s Blade of Antwyr

Farsight may have a blade that’s helping him to live longer, but Garran Crowe is such a badass that he’s walking around with one that’s actively trying to kill him or turn him to Chaos. Now, walking around with the sharp, pointy embodiment of the Chaos Gods isn’t necessarily cool (err… yeah, it is!), but when Crowe wades into war, he can coax this weapon into doing some pretty gnarly stuff. It makes him one of the best swordsmen in the grimdark and even Lucius would probably think twice before trying to add Crowe to his tally. If the blade meets a daemon it had beef with way back when, it will actually help Crowe kill it. Of course there are times when it meets an old buddy and then Crowe has far more problems than any genehanced, psychic super-soldier ought to have. Swings and roundabouts.

3. Kaptin Badrukk’s Da Rippa

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Ah, the joys of Orky ‘technology’. There’s not much to dislike about the Ork equivalent of Captain Jack Sparrow, but his gun is a particular favourite of mine. Da Rippa used to be a Ripper Gun, as wielded by Ogryns across the galaxy. When Badrukk’s Meks got hold of it though, they made him one of the most Orky weapons you can get. Instead of firing the garden variety oversized shotgun shells that it used to fire, Badrukk had it built to fire unstable canisters of plasma energy. Because that sounds totally sensible. You shouldn’t even be on the same battlefield when he fires this thing. It gives off horrendous levels of radiation when it’s not firing but when it does go bang, you get to witness the energy of a small star obliterating the enemy, and then all your skin melts off. No wonder Badrukk wears a lead-lined coat.

2. Abaddon The Despoiler’s Drach’nyen

Abaddon The Despoiler’s Drach’nyen

Most swords can cut through armour. Some can cut through the hull of a tank. Drach’nyen can cut through reality. It can literally rip a hole in space and time, and if you happen to be standing in the same spot, it’s ‘good night, sweet prince’ for you. Its other names include ‘Shard of Madness’ and ‘Thorn in Reality’, and whenever it kills someone, their skull can be seen writhing and twisting down the blade itself. Not only is it that unsettling, but it inspired the 1st Black Crusade and made Abaddon the powerful Warmaster that he is in the 41st Millennium. As far as game changing swords go, this pointy stick is one of the most important and impressive in the galaxy. In terms of legendary status, it’s up there with Anathame and the Blade of the Laer. It really is one hell of a sword. When you absolutely, positively have to kill every Imperial pigdog in the joint, accept no substitutes.

1. Inquisitor Karamazov’s Throne of Judgement

Inquisitor Karamazov’s Throne of Judgement

“COME CLOSER SO I CAN KILL YOU WITH MY CHAIR!”

Need I say more? Well, I will because it’s my blog and I get to do that sort of thing. Only an Inquisitor could see a Space Marine dreadnought, say ‘Mine’ and then actually turn it into a walking throne, pulpit and weapons platform. And why have a standard two-barrelled multi-melta, when you can have one of your little slave servitors stood next to you firing a THREE-barrelled Multi-melta? Covered with scrolls and parchments to the extent that it looks like a walking printing press, this is, as far as I’m concerned, the coolest bit of kit in the grimdark. From its flaming braziers to its big clompy feet, I actually want one for myself. I would consider going back to uni for 10 years, mastering engineering and robotics, and then building one so that I can sit in it, stomp around in it and scare the neighbours. The Inquisition really does get the coolest toys, and this is top of the pile.

 

So that’s my list. Do you agree? Disagree? Too sword heavy? Not enough guns? Tell me what I missed out by leaving a comment below. If the above list is anything to go by, I can’t wait to see what wargear we get in the future. Onwards!