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On How I Used To Be A Miniature Painter (TMI)

Posted by johnnya10 on 03/07/2021
Posted in: Thoughts and Comment, Uncategorized. Leave a comment

It’s a wonderful weekend in the hobby. There’s a new boxed set out of a new edition of the wonderful game that is Age of Sigmar, with some truly inspiring miniatures in it. I popped over to the Friar Lane store in Nottingham today and picked up my set. Very excited for it, and I hope, if you pre-ordered it, you got one too, and that you’re giddy with glee that you get to enjoy it.

AoS Dominion Box

With all of that being said, I find myself again at a crossroads in my hobby. I have slumped. I am as far away from being a good painter as I ever have been, and I’m not even trying to regain the stature that I liked to kid myself that I had reached. Why? The simple answer is depression, but for the longer reason, read on.

I don’t want to make a big deal of this – it’s really not my style. But I have been encouraged to share my take on the state of me as both a therapeutic exercise and, perhaps, a way to help others who find themselves in a similar storm-tossed boat. So I am writing this for both altruistic and selfish reasons, and I like that, just because of how contrary it all is. But I’m afraid in the next paragraph (or so – to be honest, the whole post is a bit of “purse dump”), I need to overshare and be a bit cringe – if you want an excuse to leave, that warning is the one you should take as a cue for your exit.

A little while ago I put up some very cringe-worthy tweets on Twitter regarding myself and how I believe I am seen as a person (think Quasimodo without his Esmerelda). These have since been deleted, as has the Twitter app from my phone and even tipsy-me knows not to venture to microblogging sites to air my feelings. Drunk-me thought a pity party would be a good idea. Sober-me was embarrassed beyond anything. Whether or not the feelings in there are true or not, it’s unlike me to voice such things. I’ve not microblogged since, and I apologise for any concern caused.

bender gif

But it’s all wrapped up in a spiral within a whirlwind within a helix. A little while ago, I was working at GW. It was better than ok. On days, it was awesome. And I got lured away (which allowed me to start up this blog again, which is great) by “more money”. Years ago, I did the same thing, and I regretted it then as I do now – from now on that will never be the reason I change jobs. I lasted 7 weeks in the job I left GW for before I called an end to my probationary period. Why? Well, it was a combination of two things really. On the one hand, I had not realised the toll lockdown and working during lockdown had taken on me (and the whole pandemic “if I get it, I’ll likely die” thing played into it). I worked the whole damn thing, and while I’m sure furlough was no cake-walk for anyone, I battled on through the whole thing, and my workload shot up and the stress shot up and as good as I am at compartmentalising such things, there’s only so much water my weakened dams can hold. And the new job made me feel like a fool. I went to a very big company in Notts, and while everything they promised me in the interviews sounded great, it was apparent in 2 weeks that my vision for what I could do (that had been confirmed in those interviews) was, within that organisation, impossible to do. There were nice people, but the practices and working standards and the fact that I felt I had very much been conned into taking the job, made me quit during my probation. Oddly, I’m very conscientious – if I don’t feel I can justify my paycheck, I’m more likely to leave than stay.

All of that happened, and a whole bunch of other stuff was heaped upon my broad shoulders (some of it self inflicted) and there were more than a couple of daggers through my soul as well, and in the end, those darkened tendrils of depression and self-loathing and nastiness trickled into my hobby and so my fate was sealed there and then I suppose. I painted the best thing I have ever painted, and I grew to loathe it. Had not my hand been stayed by reason then and there, I’d have snapped my brushes and binned anything I couldn’t sell. That’s the truth of it.

skaven dude

But in the darkest times, there remained a seed of hope. Presumably my brain knew that I would one day want to return and try again. That day has not yet come, though it tosses in its slumber even now, waiting for an opportunity to ride forth into the light again. There is no light yet, but I suppose it’s all darkest before the Dorn(sic), right?

So I have been “funemployed” for several weeks. I’m very lucky really, in that I can support myself and that I have tradable skills that keep me from the poor house. What’s more I’ve been sensible enough and fortunate enough with my money that I am not panicked for funds even if there is little trickling in. But even with that, my conscientiousness doesn’t like that I’m not contributing. And that all bleeds into every area of me and what I do like an oozing poison. I would not consider myself a miniature painter right now. A reluctant yet still excited hobbyist perhaps, but I am not what I once was. And even though I chose the path I now walk, with every justifiable reason, and more than a few comforts that not many could call on, being a fool still hurts. Making the wrong choices still stings, and considering I moved my entire life up to Nottingham to do one thing and then, the idiot that I am, I threw that thing away… it still hurts.

things i painted

And I was good. I painted several pieces before my demise of which I was hugely proud. My blending and glazing work was getting on to a new level, and my basing was becoming very sharp, and I was confident – perhaps over-confident – in my skills. If a Golden Demon had happened, perhaps, just perhaps, I might have snuck a bronze. Maybe. If several of the major players had been held up in traffic.

I’ve made no bones about that being my goal, and have said before that whether that takes me another 30 years, it’s still my goal. But then I painted the Skaven Bombardier (pictured above) and it all fell to pieces. Genuinely, it was the best miniature I had painted. I hadn’t relied on my penchant for ambitious freehand, I had played to all my acquired strengths and it was wonderful. I was so proud of the job I did. It was the last miniature I painted before I allowed my will, and psyche, and fragile ego to come crashing down. 

So now I hate it. I love the miniature, and I’m proud of my paint job on it, but I hate it. Because it’s me at the best I can be but it’s not good enough. It’s everything I have learned and fought to produce and it still falls short. It’s the best thing I have ever painted, and perhaps the best thing I will ever paint, and it’s still not good enough for my own standards (as foolish as that sounds). Of course, the completion of this falling around the same time as the rest of my world being turned upside down (either voluntarily or forcefully) didn’t help. When one’s own ego is out to get one, all is nought. There is no light, there is no hope of attaining one’s goal, it’s all pointless.

Though I have grown since then. Slowly, my will to get back to that place is returning. I’m a long way from it, but everything is moving in the right direction. I have some freelance work coming up that I’m really looking forward to, my own business will happen soon, and I’m beginning to have fun painting as well. I’d like to credit Bobbie (@violetsun on Twitter) for some of that, though she doesn’t know it. Not only do I need to get my Heresy Vs Heroes piece finished for her, but I’ll be taking her on in my first ever game of 9th Edition 40k soon. I’ve got a list, and I’ve been working on my Necrons too – so excited to have a new army for 40k, especially as I’m not an Army Painter at all. 

necron wips

I guess the point of this post is to let you, many friends, followers, fans and well-wishers know that there has been a reason for my absence from the world, and that I will be back, but not any time soon. Also, to anyone else hacking their way through a dark forest, you need to know that there’s light. Don’t let your brain get the better of you for too long – down that path inky waters lie. 

And if I’m being honest, don’t be brutal to yourself with a hobby a that should be fun. I set myself a high standard that I am still very far from meeting and I have to deal with that, but if that’s not you, don’t be tempted down that path. If painting toy soldiers makes you happy, hold on to that, and don’t let things change that. You’re awesome, and you’re having fun, so that’s what you need to remember.

I’ve also found other outlets that are not wrapped up in the pressure I place upon myself for painting miniatures. I’ve spent a couple of weeks working on fun projects with water colours and I’ve designed some t-shirts on commission and that’s making me feel great right now. Seems spending my creative time away from toy soldiers is doing me a great amount of good.

john ashton self portrait

Lastly, I want to say thank you to all of the lovely people on twitter who sent me messages after my little outburst. I was dealing with some shit, and honestly, I didn’t get back to you because of embarrassment and not wanting to dredge through all of that shit again and make your lives any bleaker. Can’t promise you that I feel any better, but I can tell you I don’t feel any worse and that I’m sure, one day, I’ll be ok. 

But until I feel happy and healthy and confident again, I’m still going to be a bit of a recluse on Social Media. Don’t expect me drunk tweeting about the music I’m listening to any time soon. I will be back though. I promise. Just need a little time and light and all will be well again. Until then, if you picked up Dominion, I hope you will paint many sneaky orruks and/or shiny Stormcast. I look forward to seeing them all. Be excellent to each other and please have fun as much as you can. Onwards.

General’s Handbook 2021 – How Useful Is It?

Posted by johnnya10 on 23/06/2021
Posted in: Product Reviews. Tagged: . Leave a comment

Both the General’s Handbook and its 40k cousin, Chapter Approved, have become must buy books for those who enjoy competitive or Competitive gaming (the small c is for people who like a good contest, the big C is for those who like tournaments – know what I mean?). I have always been more of a painter (not that I’ve been doing a great deal of that lately) but I do like a game, and a competitive challenge is always a little more fun if you have a good opponent. 

generals handbook 2021

A little while back, I made a post about my Stormcast Eternals army and I will be trying to get that to 2000 points and legal in matched play during the early days of this new edition of Age of Sigmar. So I need to work out what I need to paint, how I’m going to play my army, and, how I’m going to operate in this new edition. Games Workshop were kind enough to send me a copy of the General’s Handbook 2021, and in this post, I’m going to see how easy it is to use this product to help an AoS novice like me to get my Stormcasts all Shipshape and Brightspear fashion.

Size Matters

First off, I’m going to say that the size of this product is great. It’s a little larger than A5 and as someone who has known the pain of dragging 5 or 6 books along with me to a 40k game not so long ago (Rulebook, Codexes, FW Book, Campaign Book, etc…) it’s nice to know that this is small and handy. Also, one of the practicalities of the game is that while we might play it on a 6’x4’ (or 44”x60” in new money), you usually need the same area gain just to hold all of your open books. So this handy little tome-ette works great.

I also like, that they’re continuing to split the updated points costs into a separate little book. Makes it easier to find and can be left at home when you don’t need it. Lovely. If I had one gripe with this size of book, it’s that the font sizes can be tiny and if your eyesight isn’t great, it could be a little hard to read, but that’s really the only thing I question about this. In those pitched battle profiles, when you need to look something up in a huge roster like Stormcast Eternals, even with the guidelines, it can turn into a fair bit of squinting. But I can live with that for the convenience that this size of book brings.

Onto My Army

stormcast army

With these updated points, I worked out the list of what I had and it clocked in at (according to my mental arithmetic) 1190 points. It felt like I had a lot of ground to make up there. The points costs for the Dominion box are in this pack too so it turns out that if I add in the big Celestial Spear character, two groups of five Vindicators (which finally gives me my 3 battleline units that I need), and the 3 Paladors I’ve had sitting in a box for ages now, I could get up to 1955 points! Result. And with 45 points left over, I reckon I could squeeze an Endless Spell into this list. And that brings me on to my next favourite feature.

Tab Fab

ghb21 contents and tabs

I do like the tabs. My codexes are typically sprouting with bookmarks (well, scraps of paper) but the tabs in the main book here need to be adopted by all GW publications – it makes life so much easier. It was while reviewing these that I noticed the Endless Spells tab. As someone who’s never really understood these magical things, I was delighted to find all of the “Anyone can use these” spells in this section with all their rules. Cross-referencing with the Profiles booklet, I’ve added the Chronomantic Cogs to my list giving me exactly 2000 points to get ready – more on that later.

The Player’s Code & Learning Rules

the players code

The Player’s Code (which has existed in one form or another since at least the early 90s) is lovely to see here. Now we’ve all had 18 months of being necessarily anti-social, it’s good to remind us all what it takes to make a good game for both players. I still don’t agree with the “Never complain about your bad luck” bit as that’s pretty much my entire personality during games but I like to think I do it with a fair amount of humour so hopefully it’s not that bad when I do it. And I still think my own rule should have been added – the winner buys the drinks (that way, everyone wins), but it looks like that didn’t make the cut again. Shame. 

Otherwise though, I hope all players will take some time to review the Code. It’s worth it, and will make all of our lives better.

Next up, I needed to review the rules and do you know what, this really is a great little section. From pages 59 to 95, there is everything you will need to play a game really (aside from the Battletome unit rules). Numbering the sections for reference is a great move. The side notes in the margin are mega helpful for novices like me. While this section feels dense and involved, it doesn’t feel like it’s too much. It tells you everything without it feeling like it’s told you Everything. I’ve gone through it once and feel like I know the game backwards (which almost certainly isn’t true but it’s nice to feel like that never the less) and I reckon I could find my way around it for a game easy as pie.

So it’s a well done to the rules writers and a very well done to the people who laid this section out in the book. Great work all round. 

Final Thoughts On The GHB21

I really like this product. It’s incredibly helpful, full of useful things and laid out in a sensible and logical way. Has it helped me to sort out my Stormcast Army? I don’t think I could have sorted it out without this set of compact books. It’s got me almost as excited for AoS as knowing I have a copy of Dominion on the way to me soon. Finger’s crossed, I’ll be heading to Warhammer World with it all one day soon. 

So What Next?

Well, in under a couple of weeks, I will be heading to my local store to pick up Dominion, and then I have exactly 15 models that I need to paint up to get to my 2k points army. Once that’s all done, I’ll be painting up some of those delightful new Orruks I reckon. But I’ve got a lot of half finished projects that I want to get to over the next couple of weeks os hopefully I’ll be able to show off some of those here. Until then, happy hobbying. Onwards!

World Building – Episode 3.2 Top 10 Predatory Beasts of Planet Orthrus

Posted by johnnya10 on 13/06/2021
Posted in: My Fluff Writing. Tagged: . Leave a comment

The following is an account of Esserius of Iann, Wanderer Scribe Primus of Orthrus. It details the 10 most deadly predators native to the planet, each responsible for huge numbers of human deaths over the millennia that humanity has occupied Orthrus. Written in the latter years of M34, it is still considered the preeminent guide to the more deadly wildlife of this death world. Esserius of Iann, as a Wanderer Scribe spent little time in the cities and most of his life wandering the wilds. There was no greater authority on the monsters that dwelt there, and few since have written so extensively on the subject.

=][=

…and so it is we arrive at the pinnacle of predation upon Orthrus. I have reserved these entries regarding the fauna of our planet for the latter pages of this work due to my distaste, and aye, my fear for these beasts. I dare say, in our glorious Emperor’s broad and brilliant domain that spans the heavens, there may be more vicious creations, but I doubt there is such a concentration of them in any one place. Each of these monsters has been responsible for the deaths of thousands upon thousands of Orthrusians and so you will excuse my reluctance to write their names, though for completion of this work, I must. Let us start now, so that we may end soon.

greater tertiree

The Greater Tertiree is a vile beast. On its hind hands (for this strange entity has remarkable delicate-looking hands ending all four of its limbs) might stand as tall as a man, but its slight stature hides a deceitful and wretched character. It has long been surmised that its sensory perception is greater than almost any other animal, with its compound eyes and long, always alert ears that can apparently detect prey over 10 miles away on the savannahs and in the edges of the great forests where the Greater Tertiree dwells. It has no nose and there is no room in its mouth for a tongue thanks to the eight rows of razor sharp teeth, so presumably it takes joy from feeding purely from the sensation of being full. They often hunt in packs, but are most dangerous when they are moving solitarily as their pronounced barb that ends its tail makes a perfect ambush weapon. Too many young men and women from this world have breathed their last breath with that vile weapon stuck in their chest. Its only saving grace is that the Adeptus Mechanicus’ Biologis corps now employ a synthetic variation of this poison in some of their work, though even this benefit to our Imperium does not redeem them in my eyes for I have too often witnessed the epilogue of their victims.

kotodor

When walking through the mountains of our world, it is wisest to stay on the paths cut by our ancestors for they have overhangs and deep, small caves for us to hide in. Stray too far into the open air and you may see too late the giant shadow of a falling Kotodor. It has been theorised that these are truly ancient monsters on our planet and it is easy to see why when you consider their enormous size and strange anatomies. On its back are two great wings with which the Kotodor cannot fly. Instead, these appendages allow it to adjust and slightly delay its fall, as the monster hunts by dropping from the peaks of mountains and flattening its prey with its armoured undercarriage. It uses dextrous hands to pick up its prey and it feeds by consuming its catch whole. The Kotodor has no teeth, but instead it has plates and muscles in its throat that crush and grind its food. The mountain chains of Orthrus are filled with these beasts so the next time you walk in their footfalls, keep an eye out for the shadows, and if one appears above you, think it not an errant cloud, and instead run on instinct for cover.

spotted rygerofin

I’ll confess, when I first laid eyes upon the Spotted Rygerofin, I found the animal to be amusing and sympathetic. When, a day later, I came across a caravan that had been devoured by a pack of one hundred of the creatures, leaving 20 young men and women dead, I realised that even the sweeter-looking animals of our world are often deadly. One on its own is fine, and their diminutive stature has even made them pets among our wealthier citizens, but two or more of them and they become a threat. When they mass, they are capable of felling even the largest beasts of Orthrus. What’s more, they are everywhere. I have seen them bullying other animals at a desert oasis, hopping through the canopies of our forests, roaming the savannahs and scaling the mountains. They are little thugs when they have numerical advantage over anything else breathing that is around them, and what’s more, they can deliver a headbut like the strike of a power maul, and they have a bite which cuts like power sword. That beak of theirs makes a popular hunting triophy, but if the Spotted Rygerofin see that you’ve taken it, they will avenge their confederate with furious and too often fatal assault.

antopalder

The Antopalder is one of the most curious beasts to roam the Savannahs and wetlands of our world. It is an evolutionary throwback and almost certainly the living ancestor of several other species, though none of those are as deadly as this strange monster. Frankly, everything about them is ridiculous, and one would think that such a thing as this would have died out or evolved further, but it hasn’t needed to for one very good reason; it is an incredibly efficient killer. This comes down to the fact that it employs a great range of hunting methods depending on its surroundings. It can ambush from rivers and swamps, chase across open plain, and even drop down from rocks and cliffs. The strange rear limbs have been witnessed being used as clubs, spears and also used to help the Antopalder leap to extraordinary lengths or heights. They feed regularly and often, and because of their array of talents, they have no difficulty in adapting to any prey. They are fascinating, though it is foolish to get too close or stay too long when studying them – those tusks can rip through the armour of a Chimera (yet another trick it has learned).

banded hakom

The Banded Hakom makes our rivers and coastlines its home and it also makes them an incredibly dangerous place to be. An amphibious monster with a vicious, and indeed paralysing bite (thanks to a toxin secreted from its jaws) it has developed a taste for humans over the millennia that means they will pursue any traveller for miles if necessary (this is not something it appears to do with any other food source). It does have one particularly curious feature though, that is as uncommon on our world as it is, I am informed, common on most others. Upon its feet, it possesses claws that rip and slash at its victims. Most other beasts rely on gripping or stomping, but the sharpened claws point at a unique evolution upon our world that unfortunately makes the Banded Hakom even more deadly. The saying goes “May you be bitten first’ among the nomads that risk the coasts – it is a wish of good fortune, hoping a speedy and painless death, rather than being ripped to shreds.

lonar

There are almost no species on the planet that can challenge the sheer bite power of the Lonar. Its traditional hunting method is to propel itself up from the deep at an almost unreal velocity before clamping its jaws into the belly of its prey and then ripping chunks out of it until it expires before the Lonar then feeds. Unfortunately for those who try to traverse the seas of Orthrus, the Lonar does not distinguish between boat hull and its more typical food, and so many have been sunk in the middle of the ocean, their crews and passengers then devoured. Only boats lined with expensive adamantium hulls stand a chance of coming out of an encounter with a Lonar unscarred. While its jaws and speed may appear to be its most potent weapons, it also possesses a pair of long tail-like appendages that are in fact incredibly powerful sonar detectors making it impossible for their quarry to hide from them.

halew

The largest predator in our oceans, is the Halew. It drifts serenely in currents and one might imagine it to be akin to the ancient giant beasts that were said to swim in Terra’s long boiled away seas. But the Halew is instead a vicious ambush predator that swims into shallow waters from the deeps and launches itself with terrifying speed at anything moving on the shore and swallows hole everything that it can fit into its cavernous mouth. Curiously, while it attacks sea-going boats, it does this not for food but its own apparent entertainment. It crashes and spins and tosses vessels like a canid with a ball. No one really understands why it doesn’t devour the sailors as they spill into the water, but who can fathom what sort of manias and fancies can pass through the giant mind of such a beast. Strangely, it does not possess teeth, but its young are born live with large defensive teeth that drop away from it as it ages.

giant newmea

Of all the beasts I have encountered in the wilds of Orthrus, I do not believe any to be so ugly as the Giant Newmea. It is a hideous creation on every level. Not only does it present a monstrous visage with its sickly pink skin, wild hairs and frankly hideous face, but the way it devours its food is the stuff of nightmares. It dwells in the rivers of our world and only ventures out to feed. It will leap at its prey, pin it down and crush it with claws and the weight of its body. Once crushed sufficiently, it uses its large mouth and gripping fangs to pull the body into its digestive system where it will slip into the large appendage at its rear where its food is devoured over the course of several days. Stories have been told of men and women still screaming from inside its digestive chamber as it crawls back into the murky river waters.

seliel

All across the wilds of Orthrus, caves provide shelter for humans venturing beyond the city walls, but be wary of deeper caves for in these dwell the Seliel. These giant invertebrates dwell in the dark and hunt through motion detected through vibration and moving air-currents. Its favoured trick is to secrete a sweet smelling orange bonding agent from the glands close to its beak before returning to its slumber (it folds down the feather-like construct on its back over itself for protection and heat retention). Later, when some poor beast or person gets stuck fast in the monster’s glue and begins thrashing around trying to regain freedom, the Seliel will awaken, move ponderously towards it, and then use its beak to peck them apart and feed. Beware deep caves.

lykos

It is perhaps cruel irony that humanity introduced one of Orthrus’ most fearsome predators to the planet themselves. The Lykos’ ancestors were the canid that accompanied the first men and women to our world. Once faithful companions and working beasts, over the years they escaped to wild and became feral hunters that now roam in packs across the planet. On a world full of dangers, humanity supplied one of the most dangerous themselves. They have adapted to every type of territory and now count venturing humans as a favoured food. What’s most fascinating is how they have learned to live with, avoid and even hunt the other land-based beasts on this list. And what does it say of us that one of our most noble friends looked upon Orthrus, and took the planet’s side against ours?

=][=

And there you have it. I don’t profess to be much of an illustrator but I had loads of fun with this lot, and it was nice to get the watercolours out again. What’s next for Orthrus? I suppose we better jump into histories and languages next, but we shall see. In the meantime, enjoy your hobby time. Onwards!

World Building – Episode 3.1 The Premature Bestiary Builder

Posted by johnnya10 on 12/06/2021
Posted in: Thoughts and Comment. Tagged: . Leave a comment

Hello readers. You may recall that at the end of my last world building post, I spoke of my keenness to flesh out the fauna of Orthrus (that was the name given to our planet) and despite this not being the logical next step in world building, I simply couldn’t resist. The idea of fleshing out the monstrous beasts that make this a death world of note, was just too enticing, so I’ve strayed from the original path a bit to have some fun, and in this post, hopefully I’ll give you some ideas when it comes to creating your own fantasy monsters too.

When it comes to Orthrus, we know we have a varied world in terms of environments and I knew I wanted a diverse menagerie of monsters. Wild and very much extra terrestrial creatures, yet there is a need for them to not be too “out there” as we need humans to survive on this Death World and not be overwhelmed by the beasts in the uninhabited areas of the planet. But this all does lead us to a strange question for one to have to attempt to answer…

How do you invent an animal?

evolution tree

I mean… it’s not an easy question to answer! Not many people have had to try and answer that one either. Where do you even start? Does one consider the single-celled organism, then try and chart the variations and mutations over millions of years, eventually bringing one to the evolved form that inhabits Orthrus today? I tried that idea and my brain collapsed several times before I even reached vertebrates. But that’s a question too – do they have vertebrates? Do backbones exist on this world? Maybe it’s a world where silicon filled sacks and nodules support the complex structures. Perhaps the animals here typically have 7 backbones. Do they use the same senses? Do any of them have eyes? Or limbs? And don’t even get me started on the lobster problem…

earth 2.0

I tossed and turned one night as I tried to consider this, my eyes clenched shut in the darkness as my brain toyed with all of these questions. It was only in the annoyingly chirpy light of 5am, as I stood with the fridge door open chugging orange juice straight from the carton that I had my revelation – it’s all my choice. I am the creator of Orthrus and if I want the entire planet filled with pink cats, that’s fine (I don’t want it filled with pink cats, but that would be kind of cool – maybe for the next world). This revelation led to another – this is very much an Earth-like planet. We know that an “alien Earth” planet (Earth 2.0 as many think of it) probably exists and many astrologers are looking for it – so why not Orthrus? And if this is the case, given what we know of the nature of evolution, we can say without any great degree of fantasy, that there is a likelihood that the animals on this planet may have evolved in a similar way to those on Earth. We know that eyes work, teeth work, wings work… so the logic behind evolution dictates that as they would be efficient on Earth, they would also be efficient on Orthrus. That was a very helpful conclusion to arrive at as it allows us to play with the tools with which we’re familiar.

My seas will be water, the trees in the forests will eat carbon dioxide and expel oxygen, and that leads us further to the reason the planet was settled in the first place. If I was making some bonkers world where the ground is made of diamonds, the trees spew argon and the sees were made of ice cream, we’d go more bonkers with the animals, but it’s not, so we won’t. This is an Earth-like planet. It’s just that it’s home to a lot of monsters.

Inspiration?

chimera

As with the name of the planet itself, I decided to lean on mythology for a bit of inspiration. I didn’t want dragons, giants and the kraken kicking around, but when looking at some mythological creatures I was given an idea. Consider the chimera (not the tank), the mermaid, the griffin and the pegasus. All of those (and many more) are combinations of other animals that actually exist, rather than being totally new creatures. So how about some combos? As I sat in my dressing gown, eating marmite covered toast, I wrote some lists, and reached for these heroes…

dnd dice set

…and then I started rolling. I made a set of rules and stared in stunned horror with the occasional giggle thrown in at many of the results I rolled, but even with the strangest combinations, I got some inspiring results. And it lead me to some interesting evolutionary quirks too but I’ll be telling you more about those tomorrow when the next post comes out (I have some creative writing to do). But when you see what I had to work with, you’ll hopefully be at least intrigued. One thing’s for sure, this planet has some real monsters roaming around and boy do they look terrifying.

How I Created My Monsters

First off, we need to work out how many combinations we’re going to be doing. For this, I rolled a D4 ignoring results of a 1, meaning I would at most have to try and combine 4 creatures and I’m glad I had this as a limit – those were the hardest ones to try and conjure up.

So, let’s say you rolled a 3 – that means you’re going to have to roll 3 times on the below table:

how to generate random animals

You rolled a 1, a 3, and a 6. That means we need a mammal, an insect and a reptile. Here are the tables you’ll be rolling on for these results (as well as the other choices too):

mammals
insects

I did some test rolls and on this occasion, I got a Bear, a Butterfly and a Skink. But before trying to combine these creatures, it’s worth working out how big the creature I’ll be creating will be. Grab your D4 and roll on this:

Let’s say I got a 1 and therefore decided the scale should be along the lines of a house cat. That would certainly be an interesting combo.

You can test your skills with a pencil and your imagination as well. I didn’t use the above example in the 10 I’ve already done. But to give you an idea of what’s coming tomorrow, here’s the list of the combinations I did get:

  1. Bee / Tiger / Otter
  2. Toad / Gecko / Condor
  3. Cassowary / Gecko / Frog / Puffin
  4. Elephant / Grasshopper / Alligator / Salamander
  5. Piranha / Komodo Dragon
  6. Lion / Gar
  7. Whale Shark / Newt
  8. Eagle / Snail
  9. Salmon / Newt / Flea
  10. N/A (?)
family guy noah

So, that should make for some interesting beasts, right? Well, as I said, you’ll be able to read about them all tomorrow. And I hope those charts are useful to anyone else who wants to create their own fantasy creatures. I went with creatures that had some quite different looks, but of course, if you want to get your own in there, why not change things up? Replace Amphibians* with “Dinosaurs” or add Terrapins, Gorillas, Eels or whatever else to the appropriate lists. It’s been a very fun project with some… intriguing results. 

And if you need any more inspiration, I do have a couple of other resources. Firstly, there’s the excellent “Alien Worlds” documentary series which is on Netflix which has some fascinating ideas on alien evolution and the creatures it would create. And last night, a friend recommended (slightly too late for me) the book Principles of Creature Design by Terryl Whitlatch which I have now ordered and I’m really looking forward to reading (this is apparently a very useful book). 

There you have it – how I created my monsters. As mentioned, there’ll be a post tomorrow featuring all of my bizarre creations. And once we’ve got that out of the way, we can get back to the aspects of World Building that Orthrus needs to go through to become a “real” world. So look out for a Sunday bestiary from me, and until then, have a very happy hobbying weekend. Onwards!

The Lazy Painter’s Army List – Adepta Sororitas

Posted by johnnya10 on 10/06/2021
Posted in: Lists and Tactics. Tagged: . Leave a comment

Welcome reader! Your prayers have been answered and devotion rewarded because I have the brand new Codex: Adepta Sororitas and I am here to help out my fellow lazy painters by putting an army list together for the Sisters of Battle that will hopefully not test your patience or tax your time. That’s the point of this series really. I’m not great gamer, but I like painting minis and were I to dive into this range to create an army, this is probably how I’d do it. Why? Because it will have a minimum number of miniatures, plenty of new hotness, and ideally, the army won’t suck too much on the tabletop (it should at least be fun). Will it win you a tournament? Almost certainly not. Will you have fun painting it and playing with it? Let’s hope so. 

codex adepta sororitas 2021

I do want to issue a caveat with this one though. I’ve not played Warhammer 40,000 9th Edition yet. What with lockdown and everything, the opportunity has not presented itself. So, I can’t promise you I won’t make a mistake here, but I don’t think I have. Anyway, if you spot one, you know where the comments section is. 

Adepta Sororitas Army List – On A Wing And A Flayer

This list sits at 1999 points at the time of writing which is rather nice. What’s more, it’s hyper elite with a couple of big and very fast moving blobs backed up by some sound support. I know Battle Sisters typically play like an Imperial Horde army, but not when a lazy painter is in control of them they don’t!

Orders & Detachments

I’m not hugely up in all the intricacies of the Adepta Sororitas but I do know you need an Order, but my list is a bit… interesting. None of them really seemed to fit exactly what I wanted to do with the army, or the make up of the units. But thankfully, there is a Minoris Convictions section in this book, allowing you to create your own Order by picking two of these boons. So rather than being Bloody Rose or Ebon Chalice, I’m going to call mine the Azure Eye (sounds ok, right?) and we’re taking two of these convictions.

First up, I’ve picked the Shield of Aversion. This means that AP -1  hits are treated as AP 0 hits – hopefully this will keep a few more minis alive (I don’t have many to lose). Next, I’m taking Devout Fanaticism – the long and short of this means I’ll be adding 1 to the attack characteristic at the start of most combats. That’s going to help a lot with this list too.

And in terms of Detachments, I’m just taking the one of them – a Vanguard Detachment. Like I said, this is going to be quite an elite army.

HQs

Go big or go home, I say. That’s why I’m taking the brand new Morvenn Vahl AND Saint Celestine and her Gemini Superior in this army list. Both hit like a truck, you’ve got a great new mini in there, and a modern classic too, and the latter has that hilarious/frustrating habit of popping back up when she dies the first time around. MV will be taking the role of Warlord giving her the Righteous Rage warlord trait (I say “giving” – she has to have that one). That means that this strength 5, 5 attack monster will be able to reroll the to hit and to wound rolls. Very handy.

morvenn vahl

What’s more both of these characters are pretty rapid, so we need some things to keep up with them…

Fast Attack

2 units of 5 Zephyrim, each carrying their fancy banner that lets them re-roll their charge rolls. I see the job of these ladies is to keep up with Saint Celestine and support her as she assaults high value targets with brutal close combat attacks with their power swords and high numbers of attacks. 

Heavy Support

exorcist

A single Exorcist Battle Tank can put out a lot of firepower and will be hugely frustrating to any enemy units who try to avoid the blades of the rest of the army. If you’re facing lots of infantry, it might be worth kitting this out with the Exorcist Conflagration Rockets but the standard launcher works against any army.

Elites

This is the bulk of the army. We have four units here, and you can probably guess what one of them will be – yes, we’re taking 3 Paragon Warsuits. They are super pricy but when you look at the stats, and the miniatures, any painter would want these in their army. And all of them are having Multi-Meltas because… Multi Melters. I love the look of these new suits and honestly, the reason I’m including them is because of how gorgeous the models are; the fact that they can stomp face and serve as a bodyguard for Vahl are a bonus. 

paragon warsuits

I’m then taking 5 Celestian Sacresants with Halberds, while the Superior will take the Spear of the faithful (which looks beastly) and an Inferno Pistol. Again, this is here because I love these new miniatures and it’s a plus that their rules look fun. The ol’ 4+ invulnerable save is pretty useful too, though they may struggle to keep up with the boss ladies a bit – hopefully they’ll be able to get into the fight eventually though.

Next up, we’re taking a squad of 10 Arco-Flagellants, with one carrying the Endurant Implants. Yes, there are 10 of them, but they’re not complicated to paint at all, and the models are very interesting too. Could be done very easily with contrast paints and a splattering of metallics. They can help to protect the Exorcist or just go on a bit of an annoying rampage.

Lasty, we’re taking 3 Deathcult Assassins. There’s some funny stuff in this book involving Priests, but I can’t see any reason why they couldn’t fit here – they have that all important “Adeptus Ministorum” keyword. I’d probably make my own miniatures for this to add some personal flair to the army, but the old minis still look decent enough. And they’re cheap and can be quite lethal in the right circumstances. Will they survive long? No. Can they take a few enemies with them? I reckon so.

The List:

saint celestine

(Vanguard Detachment)

HQ: Saint Celestine & The Geminae Superior

HQ: Morvenn Vahl

Elites: 3x Paragon Warsuits

Elites: 3x Deathcult Assassins

Elites 5x Celestian Sacresants

Elites: 10x Arco-Flagellants

Fast Attack: 5x Zephyrim

Fast Attack: 5x Zephyrim

Heavy Support: Exorcist

Points: 1999 

Warlord Trait: Righteous Rage (Morvenn Vahl)

Order: Azure Eye (Shield of Aversion & Devout Fanaticism)

Model Count: 36

Command Points: 9 (right? Like I said, 9th is still a bit new to me)

There you have it then. A fun little list that will hit hard, hang around (hopefully) and you get to paint lots of the new stuff too. What’s more, at 36 miniatures, it won’t be too taxing on your brushes. Yes, I could have made it fewer but painting 6 paragon Warsuits wouldn’t be a joyous thing to do, and the army would end up rather wonky probably. Also, there’s so much fun in all of the units in this fantastic codex, that I wanted to ensure some variety.

It’s very much about moving fast and getting into the fight as soon as you can. I look at it and think it’s one of those lists where, depending on your dice rolls, you’ll either table your opponent in 4 or be tabled yourself in 3. At least that means more time in the pub laughing about the game, and you don’t have to faff around with things like objectives – no-one’s got time for that when there’s purging to be done. 

That’s your lot. Thanks to Games Workshop for sending me the book to work with for this article. I’m off to go paint things now – may your hobby prayers be answered. Onwards!

World Building – Episode 2: Classification & Nomenclature

Posted by johnnya10 on 07/06/2021
Posted in: Thoughts and Comment. Tagged: . Leave a comment

Welcome back readers. In our last episode, we created a map for the brand new world we’re creating (you can read all about that here), but now we need to start adding some more details. For a start, this world needs a name – I can’t keep referring to it as “the world” – and we could also do with embedding it a little more in the 41st Millennium. So that’s what we’re going to do with this blog post today.

What Sort Of World…

As we’re placing this world into the galaxy of the 41st Millennium, we need a reason for it to be there, and an idea of what function it serves. I decided when I was creating the map that I want this to be an Imperial world as that will allow me to more easily interact with friendly and unfriendly forces in the setting, and humans are quite helpful to have when it comes to naming things and explaining history. True, I could have made it a human world beyond the Imperium’s control but one would have a great sense then that it would not have much of a future, even if it did have a well written past. No, we’re going Imperial.

basic map

So, we know that the Emperor’s standard flies here, but what sort of world should it be? The Imperium is full of planets that serve a distinct function, and of course every planet must pay the Imperial tithe in some way (or have a reason for exemption). There are crowded Hive Worlds, smoke-filled Forge Worlds, Agri-Worlds that feed the Imperium… but let’s take a look at that map again:

It’s too green to be a Forge or Hive world (though I’m sure such a thing as a verdant Forge World could exist but I’m not going to stress myself with those justifications) so instead, I need something wild. Yep, this is going to be a Death World.

Death Worlds offer several advantages for me here, not least of which is the bestiaries and horticultural entries that I can include later on. I always think of Catachan when it comes to Death Worlds and they’re got some lovely monsters to work with (like the Catachan Devil pictured below). What’s more, it means the 10 established cities can be the only real population hubs on the world, leaving the deserts, forests, tundras, seas and savannahs to the beasts who live there (along with perhaps a few more nomadic peoples who still dwell in these places). And like Catachan, I can fulfil this world’s obligations to the Imperium by providing a regiment to the Astra Militarum (and I dare say a few additional resources once i’ve worked those out). I’ve got plenty of ideas for this too, but I’ll go over that in a future post.

catachan devil
T

I really like the idea of the cities being large hives with space ports and all the mod-cons of any Imperial city, but they’d be very much walled in. Enormous fortresses with high and well defended walls to keep the beasts out of the population centres, but I also want to find ways to have the population interact with the wild areas too, but we’ll get to that later too.

I also want the similarities to Catachan to end there. It’s very easy to clone a world and re-skin it, but we want to create our own planet here with its own flora, fauna, fiction, functions and… fings? I knew I’d overstretch myself there. But I think we’ve borrowed a little bit to create a solid base there. Now, it really is time that this place got its own name…

Welcome to… Orthrus

Naming things is… tricky. There are a thousand sources of inspiration, but it’s getting them to marry up, and using the conventions you have to create a distinct language that’s the tricky part. Mythology is a great place to start but again, there’s no point in using Aztec mythology for the name of a river and Egyptian mythology for the name of a town because it just won’t sound right all together. “There stands the mighty city of Bastet next to the banks of the mighty Quetzalcoatl river” – see what I mean? I think the trick is to pick one area, and use it sparingly. Lean on it more for inspiration rather than taking names straight from it. That being said (yes, I’m going to break that rule straight away)…

orthrus

I arrived at the name Orthrus because I probably know Greek mythology better than any other kind (studying Classics for few years will do that to you) and because I wanted to address another issue that I had made for myself. You see, I think my world looks rather… pleasant. It looks like a nice place to visit with stunning scenery and vistas worthy of a postcard from the map I drew, and yet I’m trying to sell it as a Death World full of monsters. So I needed a name that would fit in with this. Orthrus was the brother of Cerberus – the famous multi-headed dog who guards the gates to the Underworld. Orthrus is far less famous, and is widely regarded as having just two heads, and he didn’t have the best of times either, given that he got killed by Heracles during the hero’s 12 Labours. Is Heracles the mighty Imperium that reclaimed this world after Old Night? Or is Heracles the forces of Chaos or Xenos armies that threaten the world still? And then I imagined this:

“They say our world was named after an ancient beast on Terra. A canid with two heads and I believe this to be most fitting and in accordance with our scripture. For those whose star-borne ships find our world see a glittering and verdant jewel among the heavens that is loyal to our most divine Emperor like a faithful, old hunting hound. But should they set foot on our planet, they will find that both the people and the animals that live here, have the ferocity and jaws of a wolf, its mind set on slaughter.”

-Uralia of Imoth, Scribe Primus of Orthrus

What do you think? Not bad, eh? A little early flavour to work with there. And oddly, the name Orthrus fits in with another method I found for creating names that’s a little more abstract. I was searching for ideas on naming things and one commenter on a forum (which I now can’t find to give credit to – sorry about that) suggested taking a list of your friends names and simply removing the first and last letters to create some interesting place or character names. I gave it a go and immediately found that longer names are more useful for this – sorry, Dan, but I can’t have a city called “A”. But I grabbed some random ones from my facebook friends list and here’s what I came up with for my major rivers and cities:

Rivers: Enr, Ichae, Onatha, Obbi, Amue, Ele, Ennife and Hri

Cities: Imo, Ichela, Ober, Imoth, Ame, Atherin, Aur, Iann, Rai and He

Now, the keen-eyed amongst you may notice that the vast majority of those names now begin with vowels. One could see this as a problem, but I say, when life gives you lemons, construct a fictitious reason to justify why you have so many lemons. It fits in with the name of the planet fine (stroke of luck there) and furthermore, it does give a helpful uniformity to things. It’s at this point when a wonderful chain reaction of thoughts came along that really set the tone for the make up of our planet. I was sat in a pub doodling all of this down and this is the train of thought I had…

All proper nouns should begin with a vowel unless a place/person is considered rebellious

This is because of a strong written tradition that has mutated over time in isolation

There are lots of rules for stories and writings – scribes are very high in society

Memorised recitation punished – stories should always be read from scrolls/books

Because of this, lots of Orthrusians joined the great crusade as remembrancers

Libraries are where the seats of government are held

Overly complicated legal and political systems

All of that came out of my brain in about 3 minutes (I just spent more than 10 minutes deciphering my excited scribblings from that time) and it already gives me something in the bank to work with in terms of the characteristics of society on the planet including language, politics, tradition, superstition and more. But we’re not quite there yet, and we will be looking more at how society functions on Orthrus in a future post.

fevered sribblings

All that leaves us with are our three rebellious names, but happily, on our map there is the northern continent with two cities and one major river, so we’ll make that the rebellious place here and work out a little more as to why that is the way it is in a future post. Oh, and before I forget, we also have two moons orbiting Orthrus – Eurytio and Eryon, both of which are riffs on the characters from mythology who Heracles killed alongside Orthrus.

map of orthrus with names

Now that we have all of these names, I’ve added them to our map (I used a D10 to work out the name of our planetary capital – Atherin) and I can start thinking more about this place with a sense of how it sounds in my head. Just giving these names, and using that little bit of cultural reference is already picking at my imagination and giving me ideas which is great.

That’s it for this week. Next time round, I fancy taking a look at the beasts who make this planet a death world, but we’ll see – it may be I do one of the other posts instead (depends if I decide to start drawing the monsters or not). Until then, happy hobbying! Onwards.

World Building – Episode 1: Metaphysical Cartography

Posted by johnnya10 on 03/06/2021
Posted in: Silliness and Stuff. Tagged: . 1 Comment

Hello readers. I’ve had a bit of a bee in my bonnet of late that buzzes around the honeyed idea of building my own world for Warhammer 40,000 (and to torture the metaphor even more, it’s probably a “hive” world). And this got me wondering about, well, where to start. How do you create your own fantasy world? I kind of want to make this a bit of a community project if anyone’s up for contributing (you know where the comments section is), but the bones of the world will have to come from me. And so this is the first in a series of articles about creating an actual world for the Warhammer 40,000 universe. And where better to start than with a good map?

I learned this technique for D&D a long time back, but I’ve extended it and developed it to help me build a planet in a way that works for me. I started with a piece of graph paper and my bits tub (which is different to my bits box(es) and bits trunk… I may have a problem). I took a few bits and scattered them across the paper thusly:

fantasy cartography

I tried to keep it random, but sensible too. A couple of big central piles and some scattered bits and bobs here and there. Next, I took a marker pen and roughly traced around the pieces here (no need to worry about being too neat – it’s almost impossible not to nudge the odd piece here and there). Here’s what I ended up with:

how to create a fantasy map

Not bad, right? In the past, I’ve employed dry pasta and pebbles to help me do this but I think the bits tub gave me a better variety of shapes and we’ve got a passable map with some big continents and some larger islands. Now, you’ve got one last job for that marker pen of yours…

creating a fantasy map

…and that’s adding some reference numbers to the graph paper – more will be explained about these very shortly. I also added a few random small islands here and there. These are more the size of Sicily, Taiwan, Jamaica and the like on a map of our own world. Next up, we’re turning to everyone’s favourite thing – dice!

dnd dice

But we’ll need more than our faithful D6 for this. I turned to my slightly fancy DnD dice set as D4s, D10s, D20s and the like will be far more helpful to us here. While we have our continents and islands, I want to give our map here a little more detail. That’s going to start with major cities (perhaps Hives) and major rivers (think Amazon and Nile rather than Thames and Trent), and the dice will help me determine where these are, and in the case of rivers, how long they extend for, so let’s see what the Dice Gods contributed here:

map making

Turns out, the dice gods were pretty kind to me (for a change). Using a D10 and a D20, we determined which squares the rivers would start in, and then, using a D4, we determined how many large squares they should go across. A bit of random squiggling with the pen and we get our 7 major rivers. I thought about adding lakes too, but decided against it as I thought it would be a notable characteristic not to have any significant inland seas or super-lakes. Then the D10 and D20 (obviously ignoring results 15-20) helped me place the cities. I kept these quite coastal (given that this is the trend across our own world) with only one exception on the main continent, but I kept this close to a river that was luckily flowing near by. Oh, and as we had 10 major population centres, and because this is 40k map, I wanted a planetary capital. A roll of 8, and working down and across, I could assign this roll to the city to the south of the main continent. Next up, I think we need some mountain chains…

how to make a mountain chain

And what better to use for mountain chains than an actual chain? This is my chain of pinning material (some casuals refer to them as ‘paperclips’, I believe) but you can use any chain or even a piece of string. Again, this is just a guide so let’s see what it guided me to create on the map:

world building

And with a couple of extra smaller ranges dotted around at random, we have our mountain chains. You’ll see I’ve also added a couple of dashed “tropics” lines. That’s because we’re now going to assign primary terrain types to the rest of the map and the rough rule is no deserts in the polar regions, no tundra in the central region. A bit of help from the dice and here’s what we have:

my own fantasy world

And so now we have a map! Arid deserts, deep, dark forests, snowy tundras and expansive savannahs cover the world that I’ve just created. I guess this is what it feels like to be God, or at least Slartibartfast. I’m quite happy with the results really. It’s amazing what some dice, a few bits and some stationery can produce.

But this is just the start. I don’t want this to be a world confined to a bit of graph paper. We need to turn this planet into a living, breathing part of the galaxy. We need names, histories, mythologies, horticulture, bestiaries… Though that will all have to wait for the further editions of this series. Until then, i hope this has helped to get your creative juices flowing, and if you have any ideas for this world, let me know! Onwards!

Heresy Vs Heroes: Volume 2

Posted by johnnya10 on 01/06/2021
Posted in: My Painting and Modelling. Tagged: . Leave a comment
heresy vs heroes

Hello hobby fans! It’s time for the second instalment of Heresy Vs Heroes where I pit my skills against one of my favourite hobbyists in a battle of the brushes. Last month saw me take on Garfy from Tale of Painters and it’s fair to say he won the public vote – you can take a look at the final pieces here.

So that brings us to this month where I will be taking on my old friend Bobbie, better known to some as Violet Sun Props on Twitter. Bobbie is a relentless hobbyist with some amazing ideas and a history of creating some fantastic armies that she has used on some occasions to crush my armies (mercilessly I might add). Let’s meet her, but first, here’s a reminder of the rules to Heresy Vs Heroes…

• Both competitors will have one month to paint one mini

• The guest will get to choose whether they want to paint a bad guy (Heresy) or a good guy (Hero)

• I (that is me, John) will paint the opposite (so if they choose “Hero”, I’ll paint a “Heresy”)

• The guest will also decide which game system we’re working with – 40k, AoS, Horus Heresy

• The guest will also, if so desired, be able to add one additional stipulation of their choice, and it can be anything

Miniatures Available:

• Heresy: Any “Chaotic” hero/leader/character

• Hero: For AoS, any GA:Order hero/character. For 40k/HH, any Imperial/Loyalist hero/character 

And how will we be determining a winner? Well, at the end of the month, we’ll both post a poll on twitter, and the mini that gets the most votes, is the winner. It’s all for fun and a bit of a challenge. You’ll be able to follow along with the challenge as we’ll both be using the hashtag #HeresyVsHero for WiPs, the Polls and the Results. So without further ado, let’s catch up with Bobbie.

Hi Bobbie! How Are You?

I’m doing well, thank you.

Can you tell Me A bit about your hobby history?

I guess I’d be a second generation wargamer. My Dad built up a decent collection of Airfix tanks and figures in his youth and still had them when I was a youngster. So I really started with those and playing historical wargames in more than one sense. I quickly found my way to Games Workshop stuff around the beginning of 1998 with 40k second edition. I was a devoted collector through 3rd to 5th edition, but took a big break up until the launch of 8th edition, which I think brought a lot of people back into the hobby.

violet sun props Iron Warriors
Don’t mess with Bobbie’s iron Warriors

I’ve had a bit of a long term project on the go lately, my 5th edition Warhammer Fantasy Vampire Counts army, which I’ve been doing alongside a few other hobbyists putting together their own retro forces. Between painting many many skeletons I’ve been enjoying putting together some 40k character conversions and even a Titanicus Reaver titan. (John – You can check out Bobbies’s Vampire Counts on Arbitor Ian’s Youtube Channel).

violet sun props titanicus

And will you be painting Heresy or Heroes?

Whilst I enjoy both I think this time I’ll be going for “Heroes” or at least something approaching it.

Approaching it, eh? Intriguing. And What Game System Are We Going With?

Let’s see what we can come up with for 40k

Any other stipulations?

As is probably evident from my previous answers, I’ve got a good stock of old figures… so lets go for ‘Oldhammer’ as a stipulation.

that collar though
Uh-oh – Bobbie knows her Oldhammer better than I do!

Alright! Lots of metal and nostalgia – I like it! Pre-match predictions?

I think the only thing I can predict is that we’ll end up with some lovely painted miniatures.

=][=

john vs bobbie

Ain’t that the truth!

And so there you go. Over the course of the next month, you can follow me at @HeresyHeroes, and you can follow Bobbie at @VioletSunProps on Twitter and see how we get on (and find out what Bobbie has up her sleeve)! I’ve got a really fun mini in mind that I’ve had for a while that I think Bobbie will really like, and I dare say Bobbie has a crazy, terrifying and totally awesome conversion in mind, but I’ll have to wait and see. Whatever happesn, this should be a lot of fun.

Look forward to seeing updates soon from both of us, and we’ll put some polls up at the end of the month on twitter. Until then, may your painting hand be firm and your imagination fruitful. Onwards!

Broken Realms: Kragnos – A Monster of a Book

Posted by johnnya10 on 29/05/2021
Posted in: Product Reviews. Tagged: , . Leave a comment

I have been a very lucky boy indeed as Games Workshop sent me a copy of the new Broken Realms: Kragnos book to take a look at and I want to share lots of my thoughts with you here on this truly monstrous tome. And by that, I don’t mean it’s enormous of course (though it is bursting with content and will give you plenty to digest) but that it is a book all about big models from the titular Kragnos to Lord Kroak, from Alarielle to the Voice and the Talon of Slaanesh, and from Morathi to Gordrakk – this book is where the wild things are, and where the big minis come to play. Let’s take a closer look…

Also, there may be some spoilers in the below so look away now if you’d rather wait to get the book in your own hands – I promise not to do any really big spoils but there’s going to be some little ones for sure.

Broken Realms Kragnos

The Book Itself

First thing’s first, I want to give a shout out to the people who actually put these books together. There are some very dedicated individuals at GW who actually build these books, taking lore, rules, illustrations, photography and everything else and they actually craft these books from all of that disparate material. This book, like those in the series before it, and those in the Psychic Awakening series, is a testament to their skill. It flows wonderfully, looks sumptuous and has an enjoyable logic to it. I don’t think these folks get much of a shout out and I wanted to correct that before going further, because this book is a real stunner, and every page stands out and does what it needs to do and more. Great work!

So What’s It All About?

Briefly, as Warhammer Community have no doubt covered the majority of this already, but because it serves us all well to be reminded, it’s about the awakening of Kragnos, a being of pure destruction that has been trapped for eons. Well, now he’s free and he’s not best pleased. He sets off on a new wave of destruction, bringing gargants, troggoths, orruks, ogors and grots along with him to besiege the city of Excelsis. Excelsis is not somewhere you want to be right now as not only does it have an enormous Waaagh! bearing down on it with Kragnos at its head, it’s also fighting off some Skaven, and dealing with the minor issue of Slaanesh’s new favourite children, the Voice and the Talon, who are doing the ol’ daemonic incursion right in the heart of the city. If Excelsis was on your summer holidays list, it’s probably worth crossing that out now.

The Lore

Phil Kelly and his team of writers are, as usual, doing an incredible job with the lore for Age of Sigmar. As an overarching thing, I really enjoy how I never feel lost with AoS lore. There are a billion things going on, but the overall picture is easy and accessible, and if you want to delve deeper, there’s a vast trove of ideas and information for any individual to take from – perfect for casual and obsessive devourers of fiction alike.

map of ghur

In BR:Kragnos, Ghur as a place is incredibly fleshed out. There’s a tremendous sense of scale to the place which the writing team here have made even more brutal and gargantuan than we have seen before. There’s a part in the section about Kragnos’ history where he is on top of a mountain which he then realises is “not a normal rocky mass but the hollow granite horn of some colossal, long-dead creature” and I love that – what it would have been like to see such a place. Ghur is the low-key star of this book and it’s had my imagination popping all over the place thanks to this writing.

The backstory for Kragnos too is a great read because it paints him out to be a proper dick. In the time before his longtime incarceration, he is painted as a petulant, cruel and frankly unlikeable monster which is what he needed really. It would have been easy to fall into the trap of making him a sympathetic character (last of his kind, misunderstood nature, etc) but that wouldn’t have worked with the forces of Destruction and so he needed to be, frankly, a bit of a bastard. 

And after his release, he’s still a bit of a bastard too – I didn’t think I’d feel sympathy for a mob of mega gargants but, as they’re the first thing he meets, briefly, I do because Kragnos just kind of steam rollers them. You get the sense that he is a force of nature and just not someone you’d want to be friends with. This is great because it gives the forces of Destruction a character like the Chaos Gods, or Nagash, who is “the Big Bad”. He’s a focal point that unites those forces under him and can be a genuine threat to everyone else in a way that Destruction didn’t have before.

gordrakk vs kragnos

Skragrott and Gordrakk are big winners in this book too, with the former being painted as a scheming little git you just want to strangle, and the latter adding to his legendary destructive ways. I won’t spoil it here, but Gordrakk’s attempt to breach the walls of Excelsis is one of the funniest and purely “Orruky” things ever – had me amazed and chuckling at the same time. His stature really grew in this book too, and considering how great his mini is, that’s excellent news.

There are some other delightful bits of lore here too, including the stuff about Kroak, who, apparently at some point in history was known as “Kribhet”, and I was delighted to find this singular nod to the charming naming conventions of yesterday’s Lizardmen within these pages. And the Slaaneshi lore too is fascinating though I want to spend a bit more time with that as I think there are some wonderfully intriguing things in there and I spent most of my time focussed on Kragnos to be honest. He’s a bit (appropriately) all consuming.

lord kroak

All in all, it’s a tour de force from the background writing team – top stuff. I’ve found nothing to be critical of, and I was looking – I don’t want this just to be a puff piece but honestly, when it comes to the lore, this is great. Really, genuinely fascinating and it had me devouring every page – fitting given the subject matter. I’ve not been this excited about lore since the Gathering Storm books, so if you love your AoS stories, this book is worth the money just for that.

Photography

It’s worth pointing this section out. We all know these bits – the section in the middle of the book with all the pretty Eavy Metal miniatures but I do think this one is special as it is full of some of the prettiest miniatures ever made. Kragnos, Dexcessa and Synessa, Kroak… it’s a showcase of some incredible imaginations and some unparalleled skill when it comes to shaping plastic. And the paint jobs, especially on Kroak, are why Eavy Metal remain at the top of their tree – top stuff all round.

the voice and the talon of slaanesh

Battleplans & Rules

I’m not the buggest rules buff as regular readers will know, but I love the battleplans in this book, and the imagination the rules teams have used to create some unique scenarios. Among my favourites are the Last Flight Of The Scarlet Scourge (which looks like a good laugh), and Of Gods And Monsters (which just looks insane). I’m tempted to put together the appropriate forces for both of those!

aos battleplan

And given the size of the minis in this book, the battletome updates you’re getting are stonkingly fantastic. Kragnos is a phenomenal monster available to all forces of Destruction. I’m not going to give all the rules away, but 18 wounds with a 2+ save should tell you just how much of a double-hard bastard he is. And he’s no fan of magic either with some nasty tricks up his sleeve there. He’s bloody pricey in points terms, but you get the distinct impression he’s worth every point with the amount of damage he can take and dish out.

Alarielle gets a nice update too – I do enjoy how these books can help give characters like this, who may have been left behind a little with the inevitable power creep, to get a refresh. Honestly, in a one on one fight against Kragnos… I’m still picking Kragnos, but I bet he’d get a bit of a kicking in the process. Oh, and it was lovely to see the Jabberslythe get an update too – a classic and woefully underused miniature that will hopefully see some more time on the table now.

The one that maybe disappointed me a little was Kroak. I remember when I first saw Teclis’ rules I immediately dubbed him “the magic bastard” and I thought Kroak would be on a par or at least only slightly behind the big elf. I dunno – I’m going to leave it to those more qualified than me to review his rules but I wasn’t saying “wow” when I read them. That being said, that model is utterly gorgeous and I’m so not going to be able to resist picking it up – a proper stunner.

Round Up Time

I’ve waffled on long enough with this. Here’s a quick breakdown of my thoughts:

Best Bit: The Lore About Kragnos. The lore is wonderful as a whole, but I like that I already dislike the character of Kragnos in the lore, and yet I love that he’s there for me to hate. 

Worst Bit: Maybe some of the rules are a little underwhelming, but to be honest, I’m scrabbling to find anything in this book I don’t like. And some of the rules look amazing, and I could be wrong (it’s happened before) – there are plenty better suited than me to make that call.

Favourite Pages: There’s four at the end of the lore section with some very short stories – these are just great. A highlight among highlights.

Favourite photo: I didn’t talk much about the Van Denst pair, but I love this photo – still my favourite Endless Spell that.

endless spell

So, if you love reading the continuing lore of Age of Sigmar, and you like big monstrous kits, yes, you should buy this book. I shall continue reading it and flicking through it, and I will be looking forward to seeing what happens next. I may even find the time to get some more articles out of it in the coming week. Until then, may your monstrous hordes trample all your enemies to dust! Onwards!

The Lazy Painter’s Army List – Soulblight Gravelords

Posted by johnnya10 on 26/05/2021
Posted in: Lists and Tactics. Tagged: , , . Leave a comment

Welcome to the first in a new series of articles from me – the Lazy Painter’s army lists. Let me explain…

I don’t have the patience for armies so much these days. I like painting my single minis, small scenes, maybe minimal sized units… but not much more. I am become lazy, destroyer of ambitions. But, I still like the idea of working on armies, but they have to be the armies that suit this lethargic style of mine. What’s more, I want to paint the good stuff – both the great new miniatures that come out with the army, and also some of the classic pieces as well. Oh, and smaller units will be a priority as well – units over 5 have to be very easy to paint to get a look in.

And I want the army to play with a bit of fun. I am in no way claiming that this list is “competitive”, but I don’t want it to totally suck and have no synergy whatsoever. But I’ll use a Warscroll Battalion and try to think in terms of tactics so at least this won’t totally suck on the tabletop. Hopefully. I’ve been wrong about these things before.

I also want to say thank you to Games Workshop for sending me the Soulblight Gravelords book to take a look at, and just remind you again that this is more about painting than gaming. So here goes:

soulblight gravelords

Soulblight Gravelords Army List – Like A Bat Outta Hell

This list, coming in at 1980 points, is built around speed. You are going to hit hard, hit fast and hopefully do enough damage to give your opponent pause, while getting a bit of healing in as well.  And with a few powerful single minis running behind the main core of your force, you will eventually be able to give your speartip some boosts.

Dynasty – Kastelai

All the Vampire dynasties have some great lore, but the Kastelai have some words written about them in this gorgeous battletome (these books are just getting better and better)that gave me some really good ideas. They have a translocating castle known as the Crimson Keep which means you can really pick any of the realms as the basis for your army quite neatly. What’s more, they are all about the warfare. This means trophies, battle-damage and lots of blood spray if you want a returning army, or lots of clean lines and gleaming shields if you want one going out to war.

This Dynasty also confers some nice buffs to Blood Knights (like setting them up in ambush and giving them perks if they kill units) and seeing as Blood Knights gain the Batteline trait in this dynasty, that’s not bad. Kastelai hosts are also often entirely mounted armis and that certainly helped me pick my Warscroll Battalion…

Warscroll Battalion – Red Banqueters

This Warscroll gives you the ability to heal up to D3 wounds to each unit in this warscroll each round, and we can get most of our army in here (including lots of Blood Knights) so that’s great news. Now we can take lots of Blood Knights, make them extra durable, and get some of HQ choices a bit of help too. Now, the units…

blood knights

Battleline

We’re going to be taking four Battleline units here, and three of them are Blood Knight Units of five. With all the above buffs, it seemed silly not to take plenty of them and it gives the army a huge amount of speed. 15 Blood Knights is a lot to paint, but they make up a huge chunk of the army so it’s not so bad. And they look awesome. I think the new Blood Knights might just be my favourite of the new units to come out and offer a great deal of scope for any painter. The banner alone gets my freehand brain thinking of plenty of fun.

And, just for some variety (but also coming in with plenty of speed) we have 10 Direwolves – another beautiful new unit that would suit a bit of speedy Contrast Paint painting down to a T with all those shaggy manes meaning this one won’t stretch me too much. 

dire wolves

Leaders

This is a good mix of old classics and new wonderful things. In order to complete our Warscroll Battalion, we’re going to take the Coven Throne which is a stunning classic in the range that is full of flavour and fun. It too is super fast and full of tricks in combat. It’s also practically a little scene to paint, rather than a unit, so that adds a bit of variety in there too.

Rounding out the Battalion, we have a Vampire Lord on Zombie Dragon, and the new Vampire Lord model as well. Zombie Dragons are so much fun and the fact that this thing moves and hits like a tank is a great bonus. And the new Vampire Lord miniature is utterly gorgeous and no wonder the community has been coo-ing over it for a while now. That one will be a real joy to paint.

new vampire lord

And speaking of a joy to paint, I’m sticking in Prince Duvall and the Crimson Court as my 4th Leader choice. Now, I’m not necessarily a fan of Underworlds Warbands in big armies, but these are the prettiest vampire models ever. I have them, I can’t wait to paint them – so excited. And while they don’t necessarily belong in a big mounted force, I like the idea of these four, along with the Vampire Lord, running after the cavalry and piling in where needed. And they each have a 6” move with fly so that’s not achingly slow. Oh, and Prince Duvall is a Von Carstein and it’s always nice to squeeze one of them into any Vampire army.

crimson court underworlds warband

Other Units

Three Fell Bats. That’s it. I like the models, I want to paint them because they’re pretty monstrous as bats go, and they’re fast. Combining them with all the knights, the wolves, the throne and the lord on dragon, and my opponents won’t have many turns to manoeuvre into a good position, especially with ambushing Blood Knights.

Total Model Count: 35

Total Points: 1980

How To Play: Run fast, hit hard, heal loads.

And there you have it! Our first Lazy Painters army list is done. 35 minis including some older classics and plenty of fresh hotness. The biggest unit is 10 wolves and they won’t take long to paint at all, and while 15 Blood Knights might seem a lot, you can paint each one up in a different set of colours for variety. The Coven Throne will probably eat up the most of your time here, but even that can be done speedily and well with the right techniques and it’s a real treasure of a mini for painters anyway. I think it’s time for me to take a closer look at some Vampires with my paintbrush in hand. Until then, may the Children of the Night sing you to sleep. Onvards!